I have come to realise, I have expected my counsellor to be ‘perfect’, and for many reasons. I don’t do this with other people, but I have with my counsellor because the therapy relationship, is challenging and different to all other relationships. I have to talk to her about trauma and abuse and all that yucky stuff.
I also realise this is really unhealthy. Not in a malicious or intentional way, but entirely about my own needs, none-the-less.
How can I expect anyone to be perfect? I’m not. And I don’t expect other people to be perfect, although I do have standards people need to meet, which is healthy. But ‘perfect’ and expecting that from a therapist – even subconsciously, no that is not healthy.
I am also aware my counsellor is upfront about being a ‘non perfect’ human. And she is aware of my reasons for my ‘need’ for her to be perfect.
I spoke with her about this today, in my very upfront, honest way I always try to be.
I also asked her whether she does this ‘stuff’ that upsets me intentionally…. because she knows I will work it out, because I think deeply and will be honest about myself and not make excuses for my issues. And when I come to understand them and reflect on them, I am honest about them. Continue reading