People who have a voice and use it for good, often attract criticism, put downs and negativity. Especially when it taps into the conscience of people, or it’s about unhealthy behaviours and attitudes/thinking.
Learning to ignore criticism from anyone not significant in my life and anyone who does not know me well, has been a part of my journey. Social media, in particular can be used for good, but also it promotes such unhealthy behaviours. People with issues and/or darkness within, become ‘oh so brave’ behind a keyboard.
I’ve learned to ignore most of this.
I’ve learned to understand there will be people who do not like someone; making an effort, speaking up, having much support from professionals etc. There will be those, who do not like hearing something that triggers their own pain, or they deem to be critical of their own thinking/views. I see all the many cognitive distortions and cognitive biases, people can have. I have compassion for this, but also manage reactions received. It doesn’t excuse abuse.
Being someone who speaks up – but in a compassionate and more balanced way, speaking up for those abused and harmed and the many wrongs humanity inflicts upon each other, speaking up for injustice and social justice, speaking up for the marginalised, the ignored, against victim blaming, against mental health being used as an ‘excuse’ to abuse etc…. will always attract unreasonable people responding – in unreasonable ways.
The fact remains, this is their issues. Not mine. Not ‘personalising’ their issues, has been a learning curve and one I am thankful to have faced.
I don’t lose sleep over the opinions of those with unhealthy, toxic, ignorant or self serving only views and opinions. Or those who follow along with unwise society issues.
I am very careful whom I seek advice. There are few people I choose to listen to, in particular advice and opinions, criticism and views. I realise the motivations of many, are not actually anything to do with other people’s needs, it is only their own.
Having high EQ includes the capacity to self reflect and have self insight, managing reactions to others, remaining calm, managing triggers, not having cognitively distorted thinking, having good self control and many other areas of emotional/mental health.
I realise my capacity in EQ, has increased, and only because I faced this head on, with honesty and self insight and the courage to change them.
I see criticism, is often where people have not yet worked on theirs.
And I take note of those, who are more skilled in these, and have wisdom I respect and can learn from. My focus remains there, which is healthy and wiser.
And I am reminded of the words of Prof. Brene Brown – on why “your critics are not those who matter” and one of her favourite quotes “don’t try to win over the haters, you’re not the jackass whisperer”. So very true.
I can have compassion for people, and still ignore them and not absorb their issues. And keep truckin’ on! 🙂