Aspergers is a disorder many who have suffered complex trauma, develop

In my continual education of trauma and it’s affects, I research a lot. Aspergers is one disorder I know can be developed from complex trauma, and I see how this develops.

It is interesting going through the different challenges those with Aspergers can face and how there will be different levels of insight into these challenges.

http://www.aspergerrus.com/what-is-asperger-syndrome.html

From the above website…
Communication
-Makes limited eye contact or intense eye contact
-Black and white thinking (fixed focus and thoughts)
-must know purpose for everything
-Interprets language literally
-Visualizes figures of speech, metaphors, idioms, sarcasm
-Uses advanced vocabulary in an overly precise manner
-Odd rhythm and peculiar voice characteristics (voice lacks emotion)
-Lecturing others in monologue instead of conversing
-Difficulty in seeing or understanding the other person’s perspective
-All or nothing behavior and thinking (it is or it isn’t-no maybe)

People ‘telling people’ how to grieve & there is only one way to grieve, lack empathy & insight.

Whenever someone says there is only one way to deal with some kind of trauma, such as grieving the death of a loved one, I know I am dealing with someone lacking in insight and empathy.

There are many different ways people process grieving. And no-one can say which is right or wrong.

Black and white thinking about issues, is the mark of someone who has cognitively distorted thinking, and chooses to only see something one way and their way is the only way.

It is also harmful to tell people how they ‘should’ grieve, what grieving should look like and how long it should take.

Notice the word ‘should’. There is no should in rational, mature, deep thinking. ‘Should’ is a cognitive distortion of it’s own.

Telling someone how to grieve, also ‘shames’ people and makes them feel their pain and emotion are wrong. They are not  wrong.

It takes time to adopt new language about mental health/illness. As I found out…

The language used in society about mental illness, increases mental health stigma.

People are not bipolar, they have bipolar.

People are not schizophrenic, they have schizophrenia.

People are not EMO, they have self harm behaviours.

People are not OCD, they have OCD.

People are not PTSD, they have PTSD.

I see language used continually, that further stigmatises mental health illness as something ‘bad’ and to be feared and something different to physical illness.

And it adds to the ignorance and wrong opinions so many have.

I’ve come to realise the important of using appropriate language and how this is vital to educating people and education is the only way to change anything for the better.

I also realise how easy it is to use wrong language. I did this myself in counselling this week…….. after tweeting about appropriate language. That is how easily done it is to say e.g “the bipolar woman” – instead of saying “the woman with bipolar”. I noted I did this, and corrected myself immediately. With my counsellor nodding along, as she does when I am on the right track.

Getting to know a new, big groups of friends

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Today, I am going for lunch with a new group of friends I have kindly been introduced to by a friend. I met some of them a few days ago and was invited to lunch. Which is very kind.

They seem a lovely group of ladies. In their late 40’s, 50’s, which is great for me, as I relate to older people more. They also are intelligent, nice, decent, well mannered, well spoken people, I noted. Which is also great for me.

So, taking it easy and not going to dive in. I also won’t be letting them know about my past etc, not until I know them really well. I realise my boundaries on what I shared in the past, were not healthy, and I learned the hard way, repeatedly, the perils of this. Hopefully my friend won’t reveal anything to them, and I will be asking her not to do this and to leave my past and my journey to me to speak about, if and when I am ready.

Oppression thrives on superficiality

I saw this mentioned on twitter and straight away I thought wow, yes indeed it does. I see superficial/shallow, everywhere. Shallow thinking, shallow lives, shallow pursuits, shallow activities, shallow beliefs. That’s where many people are at.

It does oppress anything deep and meaningful, wise and thought provoking. Those who wish to not ‘go there’ to anything deeper, will oppress. People will oppress their own lives, with an unwillingness to be anything but superficial.

Most people in life don’t want to think outside of their own bubble of needs and don’t want to think deeply. That’s humanity for you. That’s what leads to sheep like behaviours, unwise opinions/advice, overgeneralised quotes, and the mass of cognitively distorted thinking I see everywhere. This in many, is an unwillingness to; self reflect, consider whether own views are unhealthy, have self honesty, be wrong, challenge self, seek wise advice, grow, mature. It causes a lot of issues and harm in society.

People do not like to think. If one thinks, one must reach conclusions. Conclusions are not always pleasant. – Helen Keller

I see those who believe they are deep thinkers, and I know they aren’t. And those who have little self insight. I see a lot and thankfully I now know this is not me