Whenever someone says there is only one way to deal with some kind of trauma, such as grieving the death of a loved one, I know I am dealing with someone lacking in insight and empathy.
There are many different ways people process grieving. And no-one can say which is right or wrong.
Black and white thinking about issues, is the mark of someone who has cognitively distorted thinking, and chooses to only see something one way and their way is the only way.
It is also harmful to tell people how they ‘should’ grieve, what grieving should look like and how long it should take.
Notice the word ‘should’. There is no should in rational, mature, deep thinking. ‘Should’ is a cognitive distortion of it’s own.
Telling someone how to grieve, also ‘shames’ people and makes them feel their pain and emotion are wrong. They are not wrong.
This is why most people in life, are not capable of giving advice. Their depth of thought, is no-where near at a level of capacity to give mature advice and their empathy levels are no where near sufficient, to give compassionate advice to others.
Yet, they do. And it’s harmful. And actually very upsetting to the person being ‘told’ how to grieve. A lack of empathy by those giving bad advice, causes more harm.
And due to the lack of empathy and lack of insight, the distorted thinking, they are the least likely to listen when someone tries to explain, they are not giving helpful advice.
So glad this has been shared so many times on Twitter. It is only through education, that people can start to understand. Hopefully, this means someone grieving trauma, abuse, loss, death, will receive the appropriate support they need.