Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Bad behaviour is often defended as normal, to defend ego.

I have two children who could not be more different. Same gene pool, very different personalities. And I love them both and love both their personalities. My eldest son, is more challenging to parent and struggles with his behaviour management, more than his brother. And I am very honest about my children.

My younger son, is mature for his age and well behaved. And due to me raising my sons to love each other, they don’t fight much.

I’ve had my younger son described in a slightly irritated way, as ‘not a normal child’, because he is easy going, well behaved.

I could be offended by this, but I’m not, because I know it was only said, as a defence response from someone who’s children all fight. ‘That’ is deemed the only ‘normal’ behaviour for children. Which is not true. It was clearly perceived to the ego as a negative reflection about parenting capabilities. When it isn’t.

Instead of recognising my younger sons behaviour as a positive and a good thing, it is easier to deem him not normal. When in fact, he is very normal. Just well behaved normal. And it was very insensitive to suggest my son isn’t normal. But, there was no empathy or self awareness. Whereas, I never speak negatively about other people’s children, because I have sensitivity. I’m always nice, even if a child is having horrible behaviour.

My response, was to calmly state my younger sons behaviour is very normal and there is no one type of normal behaviour in children.

It made me realise just how much people defend negative behaviours and why. Often this will be their own, their children, or someone they choose to defend, by knocking someone else down with better behaviour, for their own self serving reasons. And regardless of how that might hurt /offend someone else.

It’s a defense strategy to protect ego. Because, protecting the ego, is more important than being nice, kind, or sensitive to someone else.

But, as I have written many times, people will self serve and do whatever they need, with little insight and often little sensitivity to others. I can see through this and not personalise it. But, I see it and see clearly what the reasons are.

The human ego, is a pesky critter, that when allowed, leads to all sorts of unhealthy behaviours and reactions. And defending bad behaviour. Whilst criticising healthier, better behaviour.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Comments are closed.