In this world. But not of this world.

I relate to people who write they know they not of this world. I know I don’t belong here. I never have. I belong where I am heading. I am just travelling this world, raising my children, helping some people as I can.

But, I am not of this world and I never have been. And I’ve given up any expectation of this life. I accept I am different. I accept I am alone. I no longer expect anyone else to understand me. And it’s okay, only I need to understand.

I truly look forward to where I am heading, and daydream of it often. I utilise my capacity to zone out. Out of this world.

I have no fear of death. I look forward to it. And it’s not a trauma related issue. It is a spiritual knowing.

Acceptance of many difficult things, I have faced lately.

Being empathic, is not easy or pleasant. But, it’s okay to show emotions to people in pain.

Being someone who feels other people’s pain, is not easy, or pleasant. It means you feel the pain others are feeling. I am pretty good at managing emotions these days, but there are times when it becomes more than I can handle.

Today, I was in tears, when a friend was upset and in a lot of pain. I felt her pain with her, because I can put myself in her shoes and imagine how painful it will feel. I ended up in tears with her. Which I was annoyed at myself for at the time, because I want to be able to manage my emotions better.

However, on reflection, I think it is okay to show emotions when someone is so upset. It shows you are human and you care enough for them, to be emotional for them. It shows you are not disconnected from your own emotions.

After writing about how mental health professionals being ‘clinical’ and emotionally detached while discussing highly emotion issues, I see that my capacity to be in tears for another person in pain, is not wrong.

My favourite song, currently. Art Deco ~ Lana Del Rey

Someone is trying to hack my Twitter accounts and email.

Within the last week, I have had notifications from Twitter (over 20), about both of my Twitter accounts having attempted hacking. Then had notifications about my personal email being attempted to be accessed and how to deal with this.

I’ve needed to change my passwords for all. And I will continue to keep changing my passwords frequently.

It is clearly a personal attack (as it is my personal email address, which only those who know me, would know) and with malicious reasons, for wanting to hack my accounts. I wonder what they intend doing if they were successful in hacking my accounts?

There are not many who know my personal email. So, it is easier to work out who it may be.

Don’t make excuses for nasty people….

I don’t make excuses for intentionally and continually nasty people. I’m a realist and see past the excuse making and spin people can put on why some people are horrible human beings. I don’t rationalise their behaviours, to make my life easier. I call it as it is. Which is far more honest and dealing in reality.

Sure, people can all make mistakes, act out of character, do things wrong, sometimes. People are human, not perfect. But it how they deal with that, that matters to me. That’s the test of people’s character, heart and soul.

When these negative behaviours are frequent and the person is doing nothing to stop, has no remorse, and is harming people, that is never okay. And those who do try to rationalise this, choose to make excuses, are simply disordered in their own thinking and unwilling to deal with truth. Many will claim this is being non judgmental, which is again a rationalisation and a complete lack of empathy, for those being harmed.

And remember, those being harmed are not having a choice in what is happening to them and do not deserve it. The ones doing the harming – do have a choice. Most mental health issues, do not render people incapable of making better choices and do not render people incapable of stopping harmful behaviours. They simply choose not to change and refuse to have remorse, or a conscience, or empathy.