I don’t make excuses for intentionally and continually nasty people. I’m a realist and see past the excuse making and spin people can put on why some people are horrible human beings. I don’t rationalise their behaviours, to make my life easier. I call it as it is. Which is far more honest and dealing in reality.
Sure, people can all make mistakes, act out of character, do things wrong, sometimes. People are human, not perfect. But it how they deal with that, that matters to me. That’s the test of people’s character, heart and soul.
When these negative behaviours are frequent and the person is doing nothing to stop, has no remorse, and is harming people, that is never okay. And those who do try to rationalise this, choose to make excuses, are simply disordered in their own thinking and unwilling to deal with truth. Many will claim this is being non judgmental, which is again a rationalisation and a complete lack of empathy, for those being harmed.
And remember, those being harmed are not having a choice in what is happening to them and do not deserve it. The ones doing the harming – do have a choice. Most mental health issues, do not render people incapable of making better choices and do not render people incapable of stopping harmful behaviours. They simply choose not to change and refuse to have remorse, or a conscience, or empathy.
Reality, is not a place many people want to live. It’s unpleasant to deal with truth and reality and easier avoided with all manner of cognitively distorted thinking.