I am someone who is always reflecting, always looking at what I can learn, what needs to change, how I can grow, become more resilient. And I’ve made a lot of progress.
This last week, has not been good. I am very aware life continues to throw curve balls – and that does not stop, just because you are trying to heal stuff from the past. I’m a realist. Life is not all good. It has good, bad and ugly.
So, I’ve considered why a potential issue has thrown me so badly. And I do realise it is only a potential issue and one with many different possible explanations. And I knew this, and as such, made the choice to ask questions, calmly.
So why has a potential explanation/behaviour of someone else, floored me?
I realise it is one of the biggest triggers – betrayal.
So, I will use this situation, to figure out how I can cope better with these highly emotive, triggering and challenging life/people issues. I’ll learn from it, grow from it and become more resilient, as I do over time. Because I put the effort in to work on myself with honesty and humility.
I also know that even though I have been emotional, needed medication to sleep for a few days and the ole Complex PTSD fear issues were triggered, I knew this was occurring and did deal with it okay with regards to the person concerned.
So, I’ll give myself credit, for dealing with it okay, despite my emotional inner state. And for the needed self care I knew I required and ensured I had. And have some self compassion, because severe betrayal has featured all too often in my life. So, it is normal to fear any more.
I don’t believe anyone ‘needs’ or ‘deserves’ to ever be harmed, or betrayed etc. I don’t ‘rationalise’ abuse and harm as okay. But, I do believe in growing from the past and whatever comes my way.
My resilience has increased, but still a work in progress. And I’m okay with that.
Discussed this at counselling and it was confirmed I did handle this well and appropriately. Especially considering the amount of severe betrayal and abuse I have endured, from such significant people in my life, since childhood.