Accountablity breeds & encourages responsibility.

I see a lot of failure to take responsibility and refusing accountability in society. There are a lot of excuses made for people’s harmful actions. By themselves and by others. A lot of excuses made about abusive people. A lot of rationalisation, victim shaming, victim blaming.

Personal responsibility for own actions, is needed and I know to teach my sons this. It will help them become honest, responsible adults.

Often those who say personal responsibility is needed, are deemed judgmental. Well, that is just irrational thinking in itself.

It is actually more compassionate towards the person who is avoiding personal responsibility, to not indulge them, or make excuses and more compassion towards those harmed/affected.

 

 

The issue of ‘blame’. Or a better phrase ‘responsibility’.

There is a lot of unwise thinking that perpetuates this immature belief, that you should never ‘blame’ anyone else for your issues. You should not ever say someone else is responsible for the issues you are having. Such BS. And takes away personal responsibility from those who do cause issues and have caused you harm.

I have PTSD and Complex PTSD, and I will give the entire responsibility for this, to those who intentionally and severely abused my in the first 20 years of my life. I will not internalise this as my responsibility, because that is very unhealthy. If they had not chosen to abuse me, I would not have PTSD. It is a simple as that. People who abuse people, cause damage to other people’s lives, and as such the responsibility for that is theirs. My only responsibility, is to do what is needed to heal those wounds, and be responsible for my life now. And I am.

Removing personal responsibility for abusive and harmful actions, has become popular. And adds to the increasing society issues. It’s also one of those BS new age thinking beliefs, that is so unwise and so unhealthy. But, popular.

On the other hand, I see people externalising blame, for things that that should not be about blaming something/someone else.

An example, poor parenting. A family where mental health issues and developmental issues are clearly occurring. The parenting is poor in some areas. The parent recognises there are issues,

Take note of those who are genuine.

I will pick up on those who only pay lip service, or are genuine in their encouragement of those who are growing and their personal achievements. I pick up on motivations. I had to learn young how to discern non genuine, non healthy motivations.

I am happy and thankful for people who are seeking to become better people, who are honest and genuine in their actions and thoughts, about self and others.

It is interesting learning more about people who are self obsessed and lack empathy.

Talking with my counsellor yesterday, and it helps to know the issues I pick up on in some, are about emotional development delays.

When dealing with someone who is absolutely and continually self obsessed, only ever talks about self, is consumed by own life and issues, is not interested in the lives/issues of others (shows lip service only), has immature behaviours and little self awareness ……. I see clearly the emotional developmental delays. It is like dealing with a 3 year old.

It is very draining to deal with someone like this, so boundaries are needed. Which I have.

My counsellor knows more of the psychology based terms for these emotional developmental delays, of which I don’t always remember. But, I do pick up on them and work out what they are about. And I do have compassion for these issues.

It is also why I see the overlap of narcissism, within people who are emotionally developmentally delayed. Narcissism being total self absorption, lack of empathy or concern for others, often a lack of self awareness or capacity to be honest about self, lack of capacity to think rationally etc. This often combined with many cognitively distortion patterns of thinking and unhealthy behaviours.

It is also helpful to always remember, to not personalise their issues. Because their issues, are all their own and they will act in childish, hurtful ways to others. And the sad part is, their issues make them unhappy and then affect others. Which I don’t want for them.

Getting on with writing my contribution, for an authors book about narcissistic abuse.

I’ve been invited to contribute to a best selling authors book, and I feel so honoured. So, must get on with writing it.

Hopefully, it will be a worthwhile piece of writing, that will help others.

🙂

So thankful for another website review, by a licenced professional :)

I am so thankful for all the reviews professionals I have received, for my website & this blog.

Today Jane Plattner LCSW  http://janeplattner.com/- a therapist specialising in PTSD emailed me this review..

“As a licensed psychotherapist specializing in treating PTSD I have found this website to be a gem.  I refer clients to it and believe there is some great information on this website.

Jane Plattner, LCSW”

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To know professionals refer their clients to my website, is significant.

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