Talking with my counsellor yesterday, and it helps to know the issues I pick up on in some, are about emotional development delays.
When dealing with someone who is absolutely and continually self obsessed, only ever talks about self, is consumed by own life and issues, is not interested in the lives/issues of others (shows lip service only), has immature behaviours and little self awareness ……. I see clearly the emotional developmental delays. It is like dealing with a 3 year old.
It is very draining to deal with someone like this, so boundaries are needed. Which I have.
My counsellor knows more of the psychology based terms for these emotional developmental delays, of which I don’t always remember. But, I do pick up on them and work out what they are about. And I do have compassion for these issues.
It is also why I see the overlap of narcissism, within people who are emotionally developmentally delayed. Narcissism being total self absorption, lack of empathy or concern for others, often a lack of self awareness or capacity to be honest about self, lack of capacity to think rationally etc. This often combined with many cognitively distortion patterns of thinking and unhealthy behaviours.
It is also helpful to always remember, to not personalise their issues. Because their issues, are all their own and they will act in childish, hurtful ways to others. And the sad part is, their issues make them unhappy and then affect others. Which I don’t want for them.
So, it is wise to not absorb any of this, maintain boundaries and not enable their behaviours either.