Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Find a church….. yeah…. not easy.


My hairdresser is a church goer. She’s a nice enough woman. Each time I attend my hair appointments, she asks me whether I am attending a church now. Each time, I say no. She is aware of the abuse I have endured at a toxic church. In her mind though, I am not a good enough Christian, if I don’t attend church. There is always that attitude – that I ‘should’ be in a church. And no matter how I approach that conversation – it is not ‘good enough’, that I don’t.

It is simply a case of stage 3 faith progression and no awareness of that. You don’t have attend church, to be a Christian. Many spiritually progressed Christians, don’t attend church.

I actually would like to be a part of a church community. I would like to know other Christians. But, I am unwilling to compromise my beliefs, or subject my children to abusive/unsafe/unhealthy/toxic doctrine/environments.

My list of what I will not compromise on are…

  1. They need to not be welcoming child sex offender/paedophiles. I am unapologetic in my belief that they are not to be trusted, and secure in my desire to keep my children safe from sexual abuse.
  2. Has strict child protection strategies in place for youth groups, children’s ministry.
  3. LGBTIQ welcoming. And not only welcoming, but accepting in every sense. No attitudes it is sin. I do not want my children subjected to any views contrary to this.
  4. Not fundamentalist, or right wing/conservative. As I see so much unhealthy, cognitively distorted thinking, I choose to avoid and not subject my children to.
  5. Not enabling/encouraging child abuse in the form of physical discipline. Which I know is abuse and is domestic violence.
  6. Don’t victimise victims further with more abuse – pushing forgiveness, reconciliation etc with abusive people and shaming the victims – as the ‘bad’ people, if they don’t.
  7. Must understand 1st Century Biblical context.
  8. Must be led by spiritually progressed leaders, who are not stuck at stage 3 in faith progression.

I’m aware this is a list that pretty much rules out most churches. I’m also aware, I am unlikely to find one that fits all this.

I am aware I could be told, I should be more flexible. Well, I’m not taking any known risks with my children, with regards to their safety, or what I subject them to, in terms of what they will hear/learn.

And I am completely secure in this.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle.

2 thoughts on “Find a church….. yeah…. not easy.

  1. It’s easier to find another hairdresser who doesn’t judge you. I would not compromise either.

    • It is interesting how judgmental many church people can be, all the while telling others not to be judgmental.
      And how much shame they inflict on survivors of abuse.
      Most people don’t think to any capacity of depth, is the main issue.
      And are oblivious to how cognitively distorted their thinking is.

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