Total confusion, anxiety, freakin’ hives… The issue of church.

October 31, 2015 by Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD 2 Comments

After writing a post about how I do not want to go to church, due to the levels of unhealthy and harmful BS spouted by too many…. now I am considering it. *Shakes head in disbelief.

Why? Because my 13 year old has asked me (again) when are we going to church, and how he wants to go to a youth group.

This is obviously an issue I really need to deal with, as several things have come up in the last week, about this very topic I would much rather avoid. I know I would rather not have to face this dilemma. If I didn’t have kids, I wouldn’t be facing this dilemma. Oh how much easier that would be….

My confusion now, is the deep need I have to protect my children, and also the understanding that maybe my son needs a church community and a hopefully safe youth group. Whichever decision I make, I could be doing the wrong thing. And doing the wrong thing by my children, and them getting hurt, is not a situation I consider lightly.

In fact, it scares the shit out of me. But tackle this issue I must, because my children are involved. This isn’t just about me.

My anxiety levels are up. Waaaay up. I now have hives. I’m irritable because my mind and emotions are getting overwhelmed. *sigh.

I’ve talked to my husband and he thinks we should go. (Not really the words I wanted to hear!). And we discussed him being a police officer and making sure everyone knows that, which could deter any dodgy people from hurting our kids. It certainly won’t hurt for people to know. So, I am taking that into account too. I have visions of my forcing my husband to rock up in his cop uniform!

The church denomination I am considering, is considered to be one the most progressive, non fundamentalist, non conservative churches in the country. That’s good. They seem to take child protection seriously. The particular church I am considering has a women Reverend and a woman leading the youth leaders/children’s ministry. That’s all re-assuring. I think.

I’ve agreed to go tomorrow, to the 10.15 am ‘family friendly’ contemporary service. I’ve told my son we’ll go and he’s happy.

I’m doing my best, to manage my anxiety, my stress.

I can’t quite believe I am doing this.

Don’t think sleep will be my friend tonight.