I know to seek advice on issues I am not always sure how to deal with. I asked how to manage a certain situation with an unhealthy, disordered person…. and the advice in counselling, was spot on.
When dealing with unhealthy, personality disordered people, you have to stay one step ahead of their issues, and take none of their issues personally (which I don’t) and do what’s best for ‘all’ concerned. This includes not giving in to the unhealthy person’s issues.
When this a group situation being threatened by divisive, controlling, self serving behaviours – this affects a group. But, often people within the group will likely have also noticed the issues of the person and don’t want that drama in their lives either.
It is a relief, when you hear other people feel the same way and have noticed all the same things and confirmed they are all too aware of all the issues going on with this person. I was given advice in counselling – that this would likely happen, if I raised the issues with other people, and that advice was correct. Other people have indeed noticed and are not okay with it. And that they too don’t want any immature drama. And confirm they ‘have my back’ and support appropriate action needed.
So, it was decided, in consultation with two other ladies, how to deal with the situation. Remove the person as an admin. That removes the capacity for issues to be caused. Let the person know she is welcome to still attend the group meet ups. If there is any backlash, however, which is possible, the person can be removed from the group. And then it will all settle down.
This protects the group as a whole and all other persons involved. Because the issue is not ‘all about the disordered person’ – it is about everyone.
This is unfolding exactly as it was explained to me it would. I am so thankful to be able to handle these situations better (rather than just avoid), be appropriately assertive and deal with these issues that are adversely affecting others.