It is a sad state of grieving, to know I would have probably been less abused and less neglected, had I been put into foster care. Yes, the foster care system is not always positive and abuse and neglect does occur. It is also traumatising for children to be removed from their family. And that is so sad for everyone who endures this.
But, I also need to acknowledge, I probably would have been better off, if this had happened to me.
Being the survivor of complex trauma and every kind of abuse, including being sexually exploited by my mother and step father, for their paedophile and sex offender friends, I may very well have been better off in foster care.
My mother is a narcissist and has sociopath traits and my step father was a sociopath, so the levels of emotional, mental and psychological abuse, were profound, severe and continuing. Throughout my entire childhood. And knowing it is your own parents who caused such severe intentional abuse, is worse than anyone else doing it. It causes such deep wounds, to know your own parents wanted you to suffer and continually made you suffer.
I don’t have a pre-trauma identity. Severe ongoing complex trauma and abuse, was occurring from my earliest memories and no doubt prior to that.
So, there is a very good chance, if I had been removed from my family, I would have been better off. I would have had a chance at a better, less traumatising childhood.
A deeply sad reality of my life, I continue to grieve. And I am aware the grieving takes a really long time.