Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Asked to do a reading at church…. So had to say why I couldn’t.


Having anxiety and PTSD, means the last thing I want to do when in new environments, is public speaking.

It’s only my third visit to church and the minister asked me if I would the Bible reading. I panicked immediately and said I couldn’t do it, as I have anxiety issues. I felt bad that I couldn’t do it. Had anxiety all the way through the service.

At the end of the service, when the minister came and spoke to us, I apologised for being unable to do the reading and told her I have PTSD. She was really nice about it and I could feel myself starting to get emotional. Once she stopped speaking to my sons, we swiftly left, because the last thing I want at this new church, is to cry and make a tit of myself.

Church, is a hard enough situation to be dealing with.

Right now, I hate PTSD, anxiety etc and I’m feeling really emotional.

I am doing everything I possibly can be doing, and yet my past and all those in it who intentionally abused me, are still affecting my life. In ways I cannot control, or manage any better than I am.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on “Asked to do a reading at church…. So had to say why I couldn’t.

  1. I understand this completly…
    My CPTSD and anxiety also is a daily issue… I cannot control… much love xx

  2. I went to a new church yesterday, first time with my 19-mos daughter. When they brought me up to introduce myself, I cried like a tit. The struggle is real! x

    • It is very real. If they had made me introduce myself, I would have cried too.
      I hope you are okay?
      Lilly ❤

      • I am, thank you 🙂 Fortunately, I didn’t have to say anything other than my name and where I was from. Only reticence I have is one of the pastors came to clear our garden back when I lived with the narc (he doesn’t know it was me paid him, not my ex taking the money from my purse!) and I know the narc has had him help out at his new place, where he has lived with a succession of new supplies – 3rd this year at the moment! – so I’m still on guard in case he (the pastor) tells him I came to church with my daughter and he shows up next time :/

      • I understand you being on guard, especially as narcs are so manipulative and appear to many as innocent, when they are anything but.
        I truly hope your ex does not show up at church.

      • Thank you, me too. I’ll go next week; my daughter enjoyed the company – we don’t know any other children, or anyone at all, really, and she’s been starved of toddler experiences, so she loved it. I’ll just pray God keeps the devil out of His house! x