Having anxiety and PTSD, means the last thing I want to do when in new environments, is public speaking.
It’s only my third visit to church and the minister asked me if I would the Bible reading. I panicked immediately and said I couldn’t do it, as I have anxiety issues. I felt bad that I couldn’t do it. Had anxiety all the way through the service.
At the end of the service, when the minister came and spoke to us, I apologised for being unable to do the reading and told her I have PTSD. She was really nice about it and I could feel myself starting to get emotional. Once she stopped speaking to my sons, we swiftly left, because the last thing I want at this new church, is to cry and make a tit of myself.
Church, is a hard enough situation to be dealing with.
Right now, I hate PTSD, anxiety etc and I’m feeling really emotional.
I am doing everything I possibly can be doing, and yet my past and all those in it who intentionally abused me, are still affecting my life. In ways I cannot control, or manage any better than I am.