Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Still grieving and will be for a long time.


Discussed this in counselling today. Discussed how the extent and severity  of all the trauma, abuse, relationships I have to grieve, it will be a lifelong process.

I can’t remember the term used, but most grieving processes take around 18 months. But the extent of my trauma history, will not be grieved in that timeframe. It will be a lifelong journey.

I am doing everything I should be doing, and I still feel sad, depressed, angry etc, for periods of time throughout each week. This is normal. So whilst I do not want to feel this way, I am relieved to hear it is very normal. And is probably why I am not sleeping and need medication.

And it is normal that I have memories and emotions triggered by normal life situations, and that intensifies the normal, yet intense grieving emotions.

I am actually still in the really painful part of grieving, because I only came to fully accept the extent of the severity of my trauma history, and the many complex layers of it all, within the last 6 months.

You cannot start to fully grieve, until you fully accept everything you have endured. So whilst I have been processing the trauma for 4 years now, I only started the actual grieving process much more recently.

I am also someone who cannot apply any distorted thinking self soothing beliefs, to make the trauma feel less horrendous. I deal only with the full honest reality. So, it is a harder road.

I need to have self compassion about this.  I need to know when I am down, not motivated, feeling overwhelmed etc…. this is all normal and needed, as part of my journey.



I am adding to this blog, I do also have times of feeling happy, I laugh with my family and friends, and these joyful times are increasing. So, the grieving I feel, is not continual – and not all day, every day. But still occurs regularly and some days are harder than others.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on “Still grieving and will be for a long time.

  1. Exactly! It is a lifelong process that does get a little lighter as time goes on. I’ve had therapy since the age of 16 but only fully accepted the reality of my trauma in the last year, despite having sat in therapy sessions & cried..and grieved so many times over the years..Self-compassion is the most important thing..We have to be our own very best supporter as others can’t do this for us in the same way. You are making progress and that is all that matters! Much love ❤

    • Thank you ❤

      I do hope this post helps others, to validate their journey and understand this grieving is normal ❤

      Yes, self compassion is vital and I know I need people in my life to understand this too. I've explained this to my husband, so he will understand why the grieving is still intense and why I have days where I feel down, and do very little, times I am sad, depressed etc.

  2. Isn’t it frustrating how long it takes?!? I get so impatient in my own recovery sometimes. But lately I’ve also been able to feel happy and proud at some signs of improvement: better emotional self-management when triggered and even some positive step to protect and advocate for myself. So I’m happy to say it does get better! Best wishes to you on your own journey.

    • Thank you for your comment ❤

      It did spur me into adding a paragraph, stating I do also have increasing joyful times. But the grieving is still there and still occurring.

      I am so glad your journey is showing healing and increased happy times and self management of emotions. It is those improvements that show our healing ❤

  3. These wounds are so deep and so real. It is only with Truth that healing can begin so as you are just learning the extent of your trauma 6 months ago, it is another layer of the “onion” that has been pulled back to be exposed.

    • Yes, it is something I understand so clearly, that only acknowledging and understanding the truth of it all, leads to healing.
      Not acknowledging the truth, means it is suppressed, and stays within us. That then is manifested in many other ways.
      This is why I am such an advocate against distorted thinking & maladaptive coping methods, about trauma. Like minimising, suppressing, making excuses for abusers, rationalising, or believing abuse is in any way deserved (like karma etc).
      The truth is indeed the only way forward, to healing.