Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I have increased anxiety. My counsellor is away.

Whenever my counsellor takes time off, I realise how much I need counselling. And I am honest to know and recognise now, how much I probably take it for granted. And that is not okay.

She is away for 2 weeks. As soon as she told me this, my anxiety went up.

Being someone who thinks differently to many people, I have no-one else except my counsellor, to share my thoughts with. She helps me to put into words, the thoughts I am processing.

Often she explains the psychology terminology/basis, or Biblical verses, to confirm my thinking. Often she confirms the emotions I have, and how they are needed. Which in a society mostly wanting people to suppress, avoid their emotions, I realise how much her support and willingness to listen to me, and validate my journey, is vital in my life and healing.

I think I would have gone insane, if I had not had her to share my journey with. Because I do not know anyone else in my life, who understands my thinking.

My thinking is so different from anyone I know, that it has at times, made me feel like I must be crazy. But, I do know, I live in a crazy, bizarre world, and I am not crazy, at all. Far from, according to my counsellor. I was so relieved when she explained my capacity for deeper thinking and my honesty, insight and self insight, are a ‘breath of fresh air, and rare’. And how I teach her and have wisdom to share with her, in the same way she has wisdom, I learn from.

But, without her to help me realise this, I think it would have pushed me so far into feeling so alone/different, I would have gone nuts.

I realise I empty my thoughts onto her each week. And each week, my thoughts and emotions are discussed and processed. And I have no-one else to do that with.

And I realise, the times when I have felt hurt by some things she has said, or her reactions, it has hurt so much, because she is a significant person in my life.  If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t have cared. But, we have been able to work through those issues, and that is something I am deeply thankful for.

I’ve told her she is a significant person in my life. And when she is away, I realise all the more, just how significant.

I do know, how blessed I am. And how I should not ever take that for granted.












Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Comments are closed.