Watching Dr. Phil and the episode is about narcissistic mothers. He even recommended a book that is on my website as a book recommendations.
This book is… “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers’ by Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D. (Author) See @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!book-recommedationsresources/cnqp
Before Dr. Phil confirmed these women are narcissists, I had already worked out that is what they are. I know the traits, all too well. My mother is a narcissist, with sociopath traits. That is why she wanted me sexually abused and was complicit in the abuse. And also abused me in every other way too. – emotional, mental, psychological, verbal etc.
One of the women on this show, was abused herself as a child, and abandoned by her mother. Both her mother and father, were abusive. Dr Phil, talked about the abusive behaviours continuing on into the next generation.
I do realise my mother most likely endured trauma in her own childhood. I know she said her father died when she was 14 and her mother was described as cold and uncaring. Whether any of that it true or not, I don’t know. My mother cannot be trusted to tell the truth about anything. But, I realise her personality disorder, was likely caused by her own childhood trauma, whatever that was.
Dr Phil confirmed these 2 women were abusing their daughters – emotionally, physically, mentally, psychologically. He did not shy away from telling them they are narcissists and abusive. He also showed compassion for these women and what they had endured.
I do have sympathy for my mother. I do wonder whether she was sexually abused in her own childhood and whether that is one reason why she allowed and was complicit in the sexual abuse of her own children.
I do realise, it would be easier for me to assume this likely happened and then I would feel more sorry for her. That would be one of those ‘self soothing’ assumptions, that are not based on facts, but purely to make myself feel better. But, I am too honest with myself, to make such assumptions. I don’t know what her childhood was like. So I cannot make assumptions. Maybe her mother and father were nice people. Who knows.
I also know whilst her childhood may be a reason for her abusive personality, it is not an excuse. She knew right from wrong. And she intentionally caused so much harm and suffering. And due to being narcissistic/sociopathic – had no compassion, no conscience, no empathy for her own children.
I also know that my own childhood was horrific, and yet I do not abuse my children in any way. So, if an abusive childhood was the reason, then I would be an abusive mother and I am not. I have no thoughts of abusing my children, at all. And I try really hard to be a good mother, because I love my children deeply and they are know they are loved and cherished.
I go round in circles with my thoughts and emotions about my mother. I do have sympathy, and I do wish her life had been better. But, the devastating hurt and suffering she caused, I cannot ignore, minimize or excuse.
I realise, I am grieving. These emotions that are so painful to endure, continue to circle around.
But, these tears, are for myself, my siblings and my mother. I wish all of us, had better lives, better childhoods.