Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Tears, watching Dr.Phil talk to narcissist mothers.

Watching Dr. Phil and the episode is about narcissistic mothers. He even recommended a book that is on my website as a book recommendations.

This book is… “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers’ by Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D. (Author) See @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!book-recommedationsresources/cnqp

Before Dr. Phil confirmed these women are narcissists, I had already worked out that is what they are. I know the traits, all too well. My mother is a narcissist, with sociopath traits. That is why she wanted me sexually abused and was complicit in the abuse. And also abused me in every other way too. – emotional, mental, psychological, verbal etc.

One of the women on this show, was abused herself as a child, and abandoned by her mother. Both her mother and father, were abusive. Dr Phil, talked about the abusive behaviours continuing on into the next generation.

I do realise my mother most likely endured trauma in her own childhood. I know she said her father died when she was 14 and her mother was described as cold and uncaring. Whether any of that it true or not, I don’t know. My mother cannot be trusted to tell the truth about anything. But, I realise her personality disorder, was likely caused by her own childhood trauma, whatever that was.

Dr Phil confirmed these 2 women were abusing their daughters – emotionally, physically, mentally, psychologically. He did not shy away from telling them they are narcissists and abusive. He also showed compassion for these women and what they had endured.

I do have sympathy for my mother. I do wonder whether she was sexually abused in her own childhood and whether that is one reason why she allowed and was complicit in the sexual abuse of her own children.

I do realise, it would be easier for me to assume this likely happened and then I would feel more sorry for her. That would be one of those ‘self soothing’ assumptions, that are not based on facts, but purely to make myself feel better. But, I am too honest with myself, to make such assumptions. I don’t know what her childhood was like. So I cannot make assumptions. Maybe her mother and father were nice people. Who knows.

I also know whilst her childhood may be a reason for her abusive personality, it is not an excuse. She knew right from wrong. And she intentionally caused so much harm and suffering. And due to being narcissistic/sociopathic – had no compassion, no conscience, no empathy for her own children.

I also know that my own childhood was horrific, and yet I do not abuse my children in any way. So, if an abusive childhood was the reason, then I would be an abusive mother and I am not. I have no thoughts of abusing my children, at all. And I try really hard to be a good mother, because I love my children deeply and they are know they are loved and cherished.

I go round in circles with my thoughts and emotions about my mother. I do have sympathy, and I do wish her life had been better. But, the devastating hurt and suffering she caused, I cannot ignore, minimize or excuse.

I realise, I am grieving. These emotions that are so painful to endure, continue to circle around.

But, these tears, are for myself, my siblings and my mother. I wish all of us, had better lives, better childhoods.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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