Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


I still very much, have PTSD.

I don’t choose to think about my past. I spent a long time, trying to suppress/avoid it all. Until, I no longer could. And then had no choice but to deal with it. I wish I could wipe every memory of the first 30 years of my life, from my brain. But, I can’t.

Having PTSD and all it’s many symptoms like re-experiencing, hyper vigilance, nightmares, the different types of flashbacks, intrusive memories etc – are not a conscious choice. They are involuntary.

All I can do is manage them, with mindfulness, distraction etc. Which I do to varying levels of success. But I very much still have PTSD.

So when I read or see anything where there are similarities to people who have abused me, my mind jumps straight to them. As happens with PTSD. Hence my previous post today. And I am then reminded of the severity and horrific nature, of all I endured.

So not only am I grieving all the abuse. But I am still dealing with the constant reminders of it all, due to the PTSD. Continue reading

I’m always suspicious of anti-government, anti-police types.

I’ve been around people who are really anti-police, anti-government, so I know their thinking. I had to know their thinking, to survive. So I see similarities in personality, behaviours, motivations, in people who are of the same mindset.

They consider themselves outside of the law, and should not have to confirm to law. Often they fit the Psychopath, or Sociopath – now known as Anti-social Personality Disorder – profile. They don’t believe they should have to conform to laws. They feel they are above the law, and should be able to do as they wish, no matter how violent/harmful, with no consequences.

Now, they are confirming these types – labelled as ‘sovereign citizens’ are considered likely terrorists.


Doesn’t surprise me, at all. They are dangerous people. I know because the psychopath/sociopath who horrifically abused me in captivity for several years (and went to prison due to this), had this mindset. He felt above the law, hated the police, hated government officials of any type. He loved guns and knives and liked to threaten people with them, as he did often. He was violent and aggressive, in many different forms. He said he had killed people and got away with it.

I can see how these violence loving types, within groups, would be easily encouraged to commit crimes of a violent type, against those they consider the enemy – like the police/government.

It’s also worrying how many of them are about. They have alarmingly large followings on social media.

It must require considerable policing, to be tracking these ‘domestic anti-government’ extremists. As well as tracking and intercepting all the other forms of terrorists.

A quote from the above link, from someone who is identified as a ‘sovereign terrorist’

“If you are a sovereign person, you make the laws for yourself. You decide in your own conscience what you want to do.”

The real issue lies, in them having no conscience. Continue reading


Grieving the whole of my lifetime, affected by child abuse.

I am a realist and honest with myself. Every part of my life, has been affected by the child abuse I endured. That is my reality.

There is not a single area of my life, that has not been impacted..

It is overwhelming at times. It’s more than I can cope with sometimes. I’m overwhelmed by sadness.

For all that should never have been, but was.

For all I never had, but should have had. Continue reading