Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I still very much, have PTSD.


I don’t choose to think about my past. I spent a long time, trying to suppress/avoid it all. Until, I no longer could. And then had no choice but to deal with it. I wish I could wipe every memory of the first 30 years of my life, from my brain. But, I can’t.

Having PTSD and all it’s many symptoms like re-experiencing, hyper vigilance, nightmares, the different types of flashbacks, intrusive memories etc – are not a conscious choice. They are involuntary.

All I can do is manage them, with mindfulness, distraction etc. Which I do to varying levels of success. But I very much still have PTSD.

So when I read or see anything where there are similarities to people who have abused me, my mind jumps straight to them. As happens with PTSD. Hence my previous post today. And I am then reminded of the severity and horrific nature, of all I endured.

So not only am I grieving all the abuse. But I am still dealing with the constant reminders of it all, due to the PTSD.

Things are not going well at the moment. I can tell by my lowered mood and increased PTSD symptoms.

I still very much, have PTSD.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I still very much, have PTSD.

  1. Yesss… and it is very exhausting… this everyday struggle…
    Sometimes it seems like the PTSD is getting worse and worse…

  2. Thinking of you x