Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Arising situations, test and confirm growth.


I am not someone who believes ‘everything happens for a reason’. I don’t believe abuse happens for any good reason, than to harm someone. I don’t justify, rationalise harmful situations and people. I don’t apply those distorted thinking beliefs.

But, I do believe when situations arise, it can be an opportunity to reflect and consider what growth has occurred and what may still need working on. This requires self insight and self honesty.

Two recent situations, regarding starting to attend a new church and dealing with a disordered/toxic person, have given me opportunities, to reflect on how I have dealt with these situations.

This was discussed in counselling today. And confirmed my growth in how I deal with emotional issues, unhealthy people, building new friendships/relationships, discernment, self control, staying away from people who create chaos, healthier boundaries etc…. are all considerably strengthened.

Plus, I have a calmness, and a level of resilience, combined with the capacity to not take on board, or allow other people’s issues, to affect me.

It is as though I am proceeding through situations in a way that allows me to view it unemotionally, but with discernment and a sense of calmness, I have never known.

It feels safe, to build friendships slowly and carefully. And I have no desire to go quickly, and I am content with the more surface level, drama free friendships. And keep the deeper level connections, including about my journey to healing, to just a few people. People who’s maturity and character traits, I value and am now drawn to.

It feels safe, to have required healthy, normal boundaries, from immature, or selfish, or toxic, or manipulative, or disordered people. And not feel guilty about those boundaries, and normal self care.

It feels safe, to not ‘need’ people. It now be at place of full acceptance, that I don’t need people, but now decide to be around people from a place of choice, rather than any ‘need’. And to pick those people, carefully and wisely.

It feels safer, to have resilience, and not care about people’s opinions and views of me. This being people who are not significant people in my life. Even knowing people are been lied to about me, I can see as their choice to believe what they want, and I really don’t care. People who choose to believe lies and gossip, don’t matter. This immature behaviour, only reflects on their issues and is not about me, or a reflection of me. I can ignore it.

It feels safe, to know there will always be people with bizarre, unhealthy, unwise behaviours, and I can choose to not absorb this, not take it personally, because their issues, are not about me.

It feels safe, to trust my discernment, my deep capacity to pick up on red flags, and assess people in a wise manner and to trust it, in a calm, careful, non reactive manner.

This list could go on. But, this is the general place I am at.

My growth is considerable. And it’s okay to recognise that, and to feel okay with all the effort, self honesty and insight required, to choose this path of growth.

It is helpful, when my counsellor confirms this and sees this growth herself and comments on it all.

And this all leads to a place of calmness and peace. And it feels great.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Arising situations, test and confirm growth.

  1. Thank you for sharing. You have given me a glimmer of hope. Sometimes I feel as though I’m too broken, not progressing fast enough, Will never recover, why try, world would btw better without me. I can pull myself partially out by reminding myself of why I have made the decision to recover.
    I am having great difficulty in handling the situation I’m in.
    I hate telling anyone when I am in crisis mode. I don’t want pity. I am not a victim. I certainly am not weak.
    I am trudging, but it is very difficult. I don’t have support because I keep everybody out.
    I am not suicidal. I want to live. I am overwhelmed with…Idk exactly. Too many feelings are coming up and I need a positive outlet, feedback, direction, encouragement, support, help.
    I can’t do this the right way if I continue trying alone. I don’t trust people with what’s in my heart, my innermost being because they don’t get it, can’t handle it, and go away leaving me with more to work through.
    What should I do?
    I am glad I found this post.

    • It is a journey of growth and healing, that takes time. Trust is a huge issue for complex trauma survivors.
      I am learning to take it really slowly with new people in my life. I don’t need to tell them about all my trauma stuff. I need to know them a fair time, before I even give them a little bit. Then I can wait and see what happens. How do they deal with what I’ve given them. How do they react? And just watch people and see their attitudes to life and people. Are they kind and nice to others? Do they treat people with respect not only to people, but when they are not around. Are they mature in their thinking. These are all questions I figure out, by taking my time to get to know people.
      And I am learning, I don’t actually need anyone else, to help me in my journey, other than those closest to me and my counsellor. But mostly I rely on myself.
      I have learned I am worthy of nice, fun things in my life, and I am also worthy of good self care. This means taking care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. With good boundaries and self compassion also needed and deserved. I rest when I need to and use all the coping strategies I have learned to manage the PTSD symptoms.
      So, I do gardening and craft, as my fun hobbies.
      It’s taken me 4 years, to work out this out, and my quality of life, is improving and my healing and growth are considerable.
      But, it does take time and each journey is different and that’s okay.

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