Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

When people use narcissists, for their own self serving needs.


I’ve seen this occur recently and it is something that I cannot do. I have more integrity and conscience, than to use someone’s narcissism, to my advantage.

It has been an interesting time, sitting back and watching how people behave. Having come to know someone is clearly a narcissist, I’ve watched some of the people around her, and their own self serving behaviours.

This particular narcissist, wants to be in full control of a group of people, and it really is a circus type situation, with the narc as the ring master and the monkeys all around.

Some said monkeys are happy to allow the narc to be in control, because it suits them to not have to organise things in the group. So despite knowing the narc is a liar and deeply selfish and harmful, they are allowing her  control issues to continue in her ringmaster role…. for as long as it suits them. They don’t like her and simply tolerate her, for their own needs. Which is also narcissism. Of course, they justify and rationalise it, but I see straight through that.

It’s like narcissistic people, using other narcissistic people. And none have any integrity to what is right, what is healthy. They are just all self serving and doing what’s best for themselves.

I have far too much integrity to participate in this. I won’t use a narc for my own advantage – even though I easily could if I wanted.

It is isn’t in the narcs best interests, to use them…. and in the process enable them and condone their behaviour. So, the reality is, I actually have more compassion for the narc in not using them for my own needs, than those who are.

Humanity is bizarre, and continually proves the levels of selfishness intent and self serving behaviours people will justify to themselves.

My conscience, insight and integrity, mean I wish to have no part in this.

The circus, the ringmaster and the monkeys, can continue on without me. I am too mature to engage in such unhealthy behaviours.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “When people use narcissists, for their own self serving needs.

  1. Sam Vaknin calls these people “inverted narcissists. They are too shy or not good enough at being the main actor. So they latch onto an overt narcissist and let them lead. The inverted narcissists or covert narcissists, do not mind doing the bidding of the narcissist.

    They worship the overt narcissist they have latched onto in turn for getting the left over narcissistic supply that the leader knows how to generate.

    • Yes, I can see how these people can be discerned as inverted narcissists. It is still totally selfish, self serving behaviour, and using someone for their own benefit, regardless of whether healthy or not. All narcissism.
      I can spot narcissism so easily. Especially now I can sit back and carefully and unemotionally discern people over a period of time.
      I now know to stay clear of anyone displaying any form of narcissistic behaviours.
      People with no conscience, no empathy, no remorse, who exploit others and have no insight, are people we need to stay well away from.
      I have healthy self esteem and too much integrity and too much of a conscience, to engage with them.