Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


11 Areas Of Healing Complex Trauma, In 2015.

2015, has been a tough year. It was the year I came to terms with the full extent of the severe child abuse I endured. It was the year I processed the extent of my mothers involvement in the child sexual abuse – all her children endured. It was the year, I processed the full extent of the consequences of all the child abuse, and how that impacted the adult I became.

It’s been a devastating and painful year. And I have needed to feel that pain, feel all the emotions that go with it. I have needed to grieve considerably.

As much as it has been so painful, I’ve needed to process and accept the reality. I needed to process through this, to continue my healing journey. I am very aware healing only occurs, when all the trauma is processed fully. It takes a lot of honesty, truth seeking, and capacity to deal with the full extent and reality of all the trauma. It takes considerable courage.

I’ve learned processing severe complex trauma’s and so much abuse and multiple abusers, takes a lot of time. It has to be a slow process, to be effective and safe.

I’ve been thinking a lot about all I have learned, all the growth I have chosen, in 2015….

1. I’ve further strengthened my emotional boundaries.

2. I’ve learned to understand other people’s issues, behaviours, thinking, beliefs… are about them and not about me. And I don’t need to absorb their issues. I leave their issues, with them.

3. I’ve learned how to discern unhealthy people by trusting my deeper discernment capacity and to sit back and watch what people do and how they behave. This enables me to decide what level of appropriate boundaries, I am now able to put in place. I also learned due to my empathy capacity, I am someone who will be targeted by unhealthy, toxic people. And how to manage that.

4. I’ve learned how I am not responsible for fixing other people. I see my over-developed sense of responsibility for others, was due to the parentification abuse, I endured and the constant blaming and scapegoating I endured in the first 20 years of my life. Now, I don’t see other people’s issues, as my responsibility any longer. Continue reading


Rationalising Child Abuse, Is Not Wisdom

I see a lot of excuses being made for people who abuse children. I see a lot of rationalising. Blaming others.

Cognitive distortions, such as minimizing, rationalising, blaming others, making excuses…. are done for many reasons.

One reason, is the abuse is easier to digest if it’s minimized.

Another is, it is easier to cope, if you make excuses for the abuser.

For some, it seems easier to cope, if you blame self.

Cognitive distortions and self blame, are easier to digest for many, than dealing with the raw, honest, devastating truth. For many it is an easier path, to avoid this at all costs.

But, whilst I understand why people find cognitive distortions easier, I also know they are not honesty and they do not lead to healing.

I know this, from personal experience. I spent a long time avoiding, supressing, minimizing, being too afraid to deal with the raw truth. I made a lot of excuses for my abusers and blamed myself too. So I have been there. And it made my life and health worse, long term. It certainly did not lead to healing.

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I encounter resistance (and some cognitive dissonance) when I write about the raw honest truth. Like in my last post. https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2015/12/29/being-a-good-parent-or-bad-parent-is-a-choice/

Sometimes, child abuse survivors make excuses for their parents or relatives, or abusers, because it is easier to deal with. So will tell me I am wrong because I do not do the same. Anymore. I realise, they are just not at the point in their journey I am. They are where I was, several years back. Continue reading

Being a good parent, or bad parent, is a choice.


The more I read about what is required in childhood, the more I know how traumatic my own childhood was. As well as all the many forms of severe and ongoing abuse I endured, there was also considerable emotional and psychological neglect.

This article shows how much parenting affects children and the adult they become.


It makes me so sad to know how terrible my childhood was, but also it shows how good and positive my own parenting for my children is.

Despite all the abuse and neglect, I do know how to give my own children everything I did not have. My children are loved, are shown appropriate affection, they feel safe, cherished, supported and loved. And I achieve this, even having severe PTSD and travelling through my healing journey.

Considering all I endured as a child, and all the positive parenting that was never modelled, I do pretty well as a mother to my own children.

Being a mother, is not easy, but I am an example of a person who endured considerable abuse and neglect, yet does well as a parent. So the excuse of having a bad childhood and bad parents, to me is not an excuse for continuing generational poor parenting.

I’ve never assumed I know it all as a parent. I’ve never assumed I don’t need to learn how to be a good parent. I’ve read and researched so much, plus I ask wise people for advice. This is how I know what it takes to be a  good parent. Because I made the effort to learn. I love my children enough to make sure I know everything I can and do everything I can, to give them a good enough childhood. Continue reading