Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Rationalising Child Abuse, Is Not Wisdom


I see a lot of excuses being made for people who abuse children. I see a lot of rationalising. Blaming others.

Cognitive distortions, such as minimizing, rationalising, blaming others, making excuses…. are done for many reasons.

One reason, is the abuse is easier to digest if it’s minimized.

Another is, it is easier to cope, if you make excuses for the abuser.

For some, it seems easier to cope, if you blame self.

Cognitive distortions and self blame, are easier to digest for many, than dealing with the raw, honest, devastating truth. For many it is an easier path, to avoid this at all costs.

But, whilst I understand why people find cognitive distortions easier, I also know they are not honesty and they do not lead to healing.

I know this, from personal experience. I spent a long time avoiding, supressing, minimizing, being too afraid to deal with the raw truth. I made a lot of excuses for my abusers and blamed myself too. So I have been there. And it made my life and health worse, long term. It certainly did not lead to healing.

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I encounter resistance (and some cognitive dissonance) when I write about the raw honest truth. Like in my last post. https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2015/12/29/being-a-good-parent-or-bad-parent-is-a-choice/

Sometimes, child abuse survivors make excuses for their parents or relatives, or abusers, because it is easier to deal with. So will tell me I am wrong because I do not do the same. Anymore. I realise, they are just not at the point in their journey I am. They are where I was, several years back.

The hardest part of my journey, has not been managing the severe PTSD symptoms. It has been my dedication to only wanting to deal with the truth. It required me to stop minimizing, stop making excuses, stop self blaming etc. It has been incredibly painful and required considerable courage. But, I know I cannot heal and I definitely cannot give others any hope, unless I am dealing with the truth.

I don’t give false hope, or use cognitive distortions and tell others they should do the same.

I deal with the reality and fullness, the truth and rawness, of my journey, to give people real hope.

Because despite how horrendous the truth is, I know from personal experience – it is required to start healing.

Only the truth, sets you free.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Rationalising Child Abuse, Is Not Wisdom

  1. This rings so true with me. Also, abused by parents. I’m not quite where you are, yet, in my journey & have a question you don’t have to answer. I’ll understand. It’s about getting to the truth. I’m assuming you had/have a therapist. If so, how much did you feel like sharing those experiences? The yucky acts? I find it impossible to go there. I, a 58 year old woman, find it impossible to say/write the “I” word or the “R” word. I spell out the word s-e-x!
    So, was curious how you’re therapy panned out. Thank you

    • I am so sorry you were also abused by your parents.

      I do have a therapist, but I confronted and dealt with the truth of what happened to me, myself. I don’t talk about details with her, as I wouldn’t feel safe enough to do that. There’s a lot I haven’t talked to her about and I doubt I ever will. I just tell her the conclusions of what I process.

      I have a lot of memories about all the different types of abuse I have endured. I have detailed some of them, in previous blogs. Sadly the PTSD still makes my brain trigger memories continually. It happened this morning when I saw the news about Bill Cosby’s arrest.

      I don’t know any different, as I’ve had PTSD since I can ever remember. It’s my ‘normal’. I’ve always had nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, hypervigilance etc.

      Do you have a therapist? Do you feel safe enough to talk about details and all the consequences of the abuse?