I see a lot of excuses being made for people who abuse children. I see a lot of rationalising. Blaming others.
Cognitive distortions, such as minimizing, rationalising, blaming others, making excuses…. are done for many reasons.
One reason, is the abuse is easier to digest if it’s minimized.
Another is, it is easier to cope, if you make excuses for the abuser.
For some, it seems easier to cope, if you blame self.
Cognitive distortions and self blame, are easier to digest for many, than dealing with the raw, honest, devastating truth. For many it is an easier path, to avoid this at all costs.
But, whilst I understand why people find cognitive distortions easier, I also know they are not honesty and they do not lead to healing.
I know this, from personal experience. I spent a long time avoiding, supressing, minimizing, being too afraid to deal with the raw truth. I made a lot of excuses for my abusers and blamed myself too. So I have been there. And it made my life and health worse, long term. It certainly did not lead to healing.
I encounter resistance (and some cognitive dissonance) when I write about the raw honest truth. Like in my last post. https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2015/12/29/being-a-good-parent-or-bad-parent-is-a-choice/
Sometimes, child abuse survivors make excuses for their parents or relatives, or abusers, because it is easier to deal with. So will tell me I am wrong because I do not do the same. Anymore. I realise, they are just not at the point in their journey I am. They are where I was, several years back.
The hardest part of my journey, has not been managing the severe PTSD symptoms. It has been my dedication to only wanting to deal with the truth. It required me to stop minimizing, stop making excuses, stop self blaming etc. It has been incredibly painful and required considerable courage. But, I know I cannot heal and I definitely cannot give others any hope, unless I am dealing with the truth.
I don’t give false hope, or use cognitive distortions and tell others they should do the same.
I deal with the reality and fullness, the truth and rawness, of my journey, to give people real hope.
Because despite how horrendous the truth is, I know from personal experience – it is required to start healing.
Only the truth, sets you free.