Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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Mental illness, has become the excuse for everything abhorrent.

The news is sadly full of murders of children by relatives. Sweet, innocent children being murdered by the very people who are meant to care for them.

And mental illness, of course, is the ‘go to’ excuse for it all. Even though, there is no evidence of mental illness in the media coverage. So people are simply ‘assuming’ it is mental illness. And then telling people who are shocked and angry – they are wrong. They assume their assumptions, are the facts. When they are not.

Does anyone stop and wonder that even if there is some form of mental illness, that these heinous acts may still have been committed consciously? That the mental illness, did not in fact render the person incapable of knowing what they are doing?

Nope, it is assumed any mental illness can make you a child murderer and that becomes an excuse for anything. It’s the excuse for murder, child abuse, sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence… etc.

And it is not compassion, to automatically make assumptions as to an excuse for the abhorrent act. That is self serving, to make life seem less ugly than it can be.

All of my abusers, probably had some form of mental illness…. paedophilia, narcissism, sociopathy, psychopathy etc disorders. But, did that render them incapable of knowing that the abuse was wrong. No. They all knew it was wrong, because they hid it, lied about it, and threatened me into silence. They consciously and deliberately and intentionally harmed me. They made choices and they made decisions to cause suffering. Their mental health, did not render them incapable of resisting being abusive.

So, using mental illness for all acts of suffering caused to another human being, regardless of the type caused, is not wise, or correct. We cannot assume the horrific act – whether it be murder, child sexual abuse, rape etc – was not consciously committed.

But, people love to assume……. and assumptions are rarely correct. And are never wisdom.

Assumptions are often made, to make the abhorrent act committed, seem less terrible. If an excuse can be made, it helps people deal with the situation. But, excuses are not reality. They are lies.

Mental illness, may be the easy excuse/rationalisation to assume, to apply to human beings committing acts so abhorrent, but they are not reality. Continue reading

For all advocates who have endured child sexual abuse

sexual abuse survivors

Child sexual abuse, is horrendous. I don’t minimize this. I also know, it is emotional, psychological, mental and physical abuse.

The effects of child sexual abuse, are lifelong. And those memories, are never gone. Child sexual abuse affects survivors in specific ways, that are so painful to endure. And few people wish to talk about. So often people suffer alone. And that breaks my heart.

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A deeper capacity for discernment, is part of my journey.

I am someone who thinks about the wider implications of the messages put out there, when it comes to trauma and abuse.

There are so many victim shaming, victim blaming and shame-shifting attitudes and messages. And I see many of them clearly, as I can discern more deeply than many. I have the capacity to work them out, why they are wrong, why they cause harm, and express this to others. Plus, I genuinely care about others and I have the capacity for empathy, which is not common.

I have the capacity to discern which messages/quotes/statements/beliefs, are platitudes, or overgeneralisations, or black and white attitudes, etc, and why they cause harm …. that many others fail to recognise.

I have the capacity to know when something does not feel right, and to not just ignore that. Then I can work out why. I’m aware this capacity is a skillset I needed to learn young, to survive complex trauma. I see many people in society have not needed to develop these deeper skills, so do not have this capacity. And not all complex trauma survivors develop this deeper capacity for discernment. So, I am aware this skillset, is Continue reading