I think a lot. And deeply. I process a lot. And deeply. I know this to be true, because I am told this. By many. It’s what I bring to the table in understanding complex trauma survivors, emotions, reactions, responses, and why. My counsellor has stated that I have taught her much about complex trauma, and stated I am someone who thinks/processes, to an unusual depth.
I have mixed responses to what I write about. Some find it very insightful, helpful and a level of honesty/insight rarely spoken. Some tell me it puts into words, what they have not been able to express themselves. Some don’t understand what I am processing, don’t relate and some react emotionally to it and reject it. Which I understand and I have compassion for.
Today, I tweeted my last post about why victim blaming and self blame, can be a maladaptive coping strategy, which was referred to as “Wow. Very Insightful“, by another complex trauma/child sexual abuse survivor. And that blog post was shared by Dr Melanie Greenberg’s website – a clinical psychologist, an expert in trauma and blogger for Psychology Today.
And I tweeted a popular blog post I wrote, about mental health professionals not having enough empathy for complex trauma survivors and why, which was referred to as “It’s Empowering that you speak the truth, because it is truth & there is too much of the lack of empathy going on! Thank U!” & “Your advocacy helps extremely Lilly, it’s sensitive & complex that some do not grasp the severity of it” & “You are making a difference in this world” & “You have become very Empowered & you are an amazing inspiration for me & others!!” – by a trainee therapist/complex trauma survivor, and “Helpful insights, learned the hard way”, by another survivor.
Many people have commented on these posts, shared them and mental health professionals have thanked me for writing them. Which is good, because I believe this issue of sufficient empathy – that is so vital to complex trauma survivors, is one reasons, many struggle to heal.
This last comment, ‘learned the hard way’, struck home the depths of suffering, invalidation and re-traumatising, I have endured, to work out all I process. It makes me realise, just how much I have endured, and continue to endure, due to other people. Whether it be intentionally harmful, or not.
I am glad that other survivors of complex trauma, who also have some insight, see what I write as the truth. As a deeper level of processing. As that need some of us have deep within, for honesty and truth, no matter how hard to deal with.
And I know – when you are someone who knows the depths of abhorrent suffering people can wilfully cause….. and suffer terribly at the hands of those who were meant to care for you… it changes who you are. It changes you from an average person, with average human life experiences, and average understanding about trauma…. to someone not average, with experiences well beyond any realms of normal. The life experiences of suffering I have endured, are profound and well beyond the limit of what we created to endure/cope with.
I accept I am different to an average person, because that is the reality, the outcome, the consequence, of suffering and enduring non normal life experiences over prolonged periods of time. Being different, is not a ‘bad symptom’, that needs correcting. It’s absolutely normal for a complex trauma survivor. A complex trauma survivor cannot be expected to be ‘normal/average’, when their life was not normal/average. Especially when this complex trauma was throughout their childhood.
My integrity and capacity for the search for truth, deep processing, not accepting lies, not taking the easy road…. also makes me different. And I’m aware, the road/journey I am on, is a lonely road.
I do feel very different to most people. I’ve always been different to people, purely in my life experiences. I’ve always had people throughout my life express I am different. And I choose to think deeply. I know now, this is not a complex trauma ‘issue’. It is real. I am different. I know why and I use it as best I can, to help others.
I am glad I am able to express my journey, in a way that resonates with others, and helps some survivors and therapists, along the way.
And this is what I bring to the conversation, about complex trauma.