Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

You can love unconditionally, but you cannot have unconditional behaviour/relationships.



There are too many quotes going around, stating ‘unconditional love’ makes someone a better person. And it is not love, if you have conditions, or expectations within relationships.

What they fail to confirm, is yes – you can love someone unconditionally, but you cannot have unconditional behaviour, or unconditional relationships.

The failure to confirm this, means people assume you have to tolerate all behaviour. Which is dangerous and enables and tolerates unhealthy, toxic, harmful and abusive behaviour.

Clarification about ‘unconditional love’ is necessary.

An example of this, is my mother and sisters. I do love them. Despite all the abuse, all the harm, all the toxic behaviours. I do not, and will not tolerate their issues. So I have no contact and I do not intend making any contact, at all.

I love them. Unconditionally. But, I do not tolerate, or enable their abuse.

Another example, is my children. I love them unconditionally. But, I don’t tolerate/enable poor behaviour and I teach them healthy, productive behaviours. And I teach the consequences of behaviour, tools, empathy and life skills, to deal with behaviours.

This blog and the quote pic, have been very well received and I am glad, as that shows this is something society needs to know. And explains unconditional love, is a far wiser way.

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I was thankful to receive this feedback, from Inspired Counselling.




Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “You can love unconditionally, but you cannot have unconditional behaviour/relationships.

  1. Thanks for this. Same goes for forgiveness!

    • I agree. Firstly we do not ‘have’ to forgive. And forgiveness can take a lifetime. And it does not mean we then tolerate more harmful behaviour, or have to have reconciliation, or contact with the person.
      It is all our choice. And no-one else gets to judge or criticise, our choices.

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