There are too many quotes going around, stating ‘unconditional love’ makes someone a better person. And it is not love, if you have conditions, or expectations within relationships.
What they fail to confirm, is yes – you can love someone unconditionally, but you cannot have unconditional behaviour, or unconditional relationships.
The failure to confirm this, means people assume you have to tolerate all behaviour. Which is dangerous and enables and tolerates unhealthy, toxic, harmful and abusive behaviour.
Clarification about ‘unconditional love’ is necessary.
An example of this, is my mother and sisters. I do love them. Despite all the abuse, all the harm, all the toxic behaviours. I do not, and will not tolerate their issues. So I have no contact and I do not intend making any contact, at all.
I love them. Unconditionally. But, I do not tolerate, or enable their abuse.
Another example, is my children. I love them unconditionally. But, I don’t tolerate/enable poor behaviour and I teach them healthy, productive behaviours. And I teach the consequences of behaviour, tools, empathy and life skills, to deal with behaviours.
This blog and the quote pic, have been very well received and I am glad, as that shows this is something society needs to know. And explains unconditional love, is a far wiser way.
I was thankful to receive this feedback, from Inspired Counselling.
http://www.inspiredcounsellingservices.co.uk/
https://twitter.com/insprdcounsling
January 26, 2016 at 8:15 am
Thanks for this. Same goes for forgiveness!
January 26, 2016 at 8:20 am
I agree. Firstly we do not ‘have’ to forgive. And forgiveness can take a lifetime. And it does not mean we then tolerate more harmful behaviour, or have to have reconciliation, or contact with the person.
It is all our choice. And no-one else gets to judge or criticise, our choices.
❤