Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I wish I could invent ‘Narc Be Gone’. But as I can’t…

Discussed in counselling today, more about why selfish, manipulative, exploitative people, are attracted to me. There are many reasons, including my empathy they pick up on, how I fall for their sob stories, how I fall for their lies etc.

I have the capacity to see myself, outside of myself and reflect on my interactions with people, why I stand out in a group – due my sense of humour, my capacity to make people laugh, and these why emotional vampires see me as easy prey. It’s happened so many times in my life. And I need it to stop.

If I could invent ‘Narc Be Gone’ and spray it around me like a force field that repels them away from me, I would.

narc be gone 2

 

Throughout my life, I have had labels given to me, because I am different to your average person. And I accept I am different. Labels like kooky, quirky, endearing, intense, special. The ‘special’ label, bothers me and this has been something said, by some of the worst abusers I have encountered. The paedophile, psychopath, narc pastor….. all called me special. What they really meant, was they saw me as easy prey, for a variety of reasons. Including vulnerability, my soft boundaries, my need to have connections with people who can be like family to me. My need to seek love, which sadly for several decades, was all in wrong places, with all the wrong people.

Even many of the people I have connected with as friends, have been selfish people who just use others for their own needs. I am someone who gives, who listens, who cares, who checks up on people, remembers what they tell me, thinks about what they need. And they see me purely as someone who will fit with their selfish needs, become their special friend, and feed them all their needs. Whilst they give nothing back. Continue reading