Discussed in counselling today, more about why selfish, manipulative, exploitative people, are attracted to me. There are many reasons, including my empathy they pick up on, how I fall for their sob stories, how I fall for their lies etc.
I have the capacity to see myself, outside of myself and reflect on my interactions with people, why I stand out in a group – due my sense of humour, my capacity to make people laugh, and these why emotional vampires see me as easy prey. It’s happened so many times in my life. And I need it to stop.
If I could invent ‘Narc Be Gone’ and spray it around me like a force field that repels them away from me, I would.
Throughout my life, I have had labels given to me, because I am different to your average person. And I accept I am different. Labels like kooky, quirky, endearing, intense, special. The ‘special’ label, bothers me and this has been something said, by some of the worst abusers I have encountered. The paedophile, psychopath, narc pastor….. all called me special. What they really meant, was they saw me as easy prey, for a variety of reasons. Including vulnerability, my soft boundaries, my need to have connections with people who can be like family to me. My need to seek love, which sadly for several decades, was all in wrong places, with all the wrong people.
Even many of the people I have connected with as friends, have been selfish people who just use others for their own needs. I am someone who gives, who listens, who cares, who checks up on people, remembers what they tell me, thinks about what they need. And they see me purely as someone who will fit with their selfish needs, become their special friend, and feed them all their needs. Whilst they give nothing back.
I attract unhealthy, disordered people who are looking for their next prey. And then when I work out who they really are, I then become their enemy, so they attack me, start the smear campaign, lie to people, lie by omission, allow people to think wrongly of me. This has happened several times.
So, knowing I cannot change other people…. I need to change the way I interact with people, so I don’t stand out as the kind of prey they want. Without coming across as a humourless cold hearted bitch. I need to find that middle ground in how I interact.
I’ve been described by some people who were being nice, as endearing, funny, kooky and names like that, which I no longer mind. And I don’t want to lose that part of my personality. I like humour, I like having a giggle. And I like making people laugh. I accept I am different and people see that as kooky and quirky etc. I don’t want to lose that either. I have no desire to become average, be a sheep and follow like others. I like my ability to be different in ways that are healthy and good.
What I do need to change, is how quickly I work out these emotional vampires, selfish people, exploitative, narcissistic people. My capacity to work them out quicker, is increasing. But, I want to keep people at a distance, even sooner. Before they get their claws in.
I sense red flags in behaviour quickly, but I’ve often ‘given people the benefit of the doubt’ – now I won’t. If I see any signs of someone wanting to get too friendly, too quickly, people with poor boundaries, people who tell me all their problems too quickly etc……. I will be keeping my distance.
I have set up a group to meet up with new people, as I would like to connect with more people and I am hoping people find new friendships with each other within the group. I am aware, these groups will have many decent people. But, they are also playgrounds for emotional vampire types. My counsellor pointed out, within the group of over 100 I have currently, there will no doubt be several who are the narcissistic types, looking for prey. And this is something I realise, and have already seen in action. So, sensing which are these unhealthy toxic types sooner, is where I need to be, in terms of my interactions with them.
It will be interesting for sure when I meet a group of about 8 people next week, and see how it goes.
In counselling, we also talked about how I feel the need to explain myself to people all the time. How I need to justify myself to people. Especially when they are the ones being unreasonable. I need to learn to not explain myself, not justify myself and not interact with their unreasonable issues. That will be a new way of interacting with people.
The ‘narc be gone’ spray would be so much easier. But, as that is not an option, I will have to work on not being someone unhealthy, disordered people, like to hone in on. Or if they do… how to put up strong boundaries, far quicker.