Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

There’s zero trust in people who minimize/trivialise abuse.


I have come to understand, just how many people make excuses for people who intentionally abuse others. Excuses are made, the abuse is minimized, the affects of the abuse are ignored. And a whole range of cognitive distortions, applied.

I think counsellors who deal with abusers – minimize the abuse and harm caused to their victims, to make their jobs easier to deal with. They justify it as ‘compassion’, but it isn’t. Anything that is a lie, is not compassion. And where minimizing, excusing, justifying, trivialising, blaming the victim in some way etc happens, there is no honesty and there is NO compassion or empathy being shown to the victim.

And worse, it shames the victim. And that is more abuse.

This has happened again – and I am so over it.

I have ZERO trust in people who do this.

It’s happened far too often in my life and I refuse to let it happen anymore.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “There’s zero trust in people who minimize/trivialise abuse.

  1. It’s not only counsellors but the judges who allow the pedophiles to skip a jail sentence because he didn’t believe the victim or minimized the abuse from a family member. Those cases make me pissed where the child is abused for years and years, with the family member given just a year or so, or no punishment whatsoever. 😦

    • Yes, there is a lot of minimizing, invalidation and trivialising in the court system.
      The very fact they constantly allow paedophiles out of jail and give them pathetic jail time, knowing they can rarely be rehabilitated, shows how little society cares about child sexual abuse.
      It’s disgusting.
      I’ve heard excuses made for paedophiles in counselling too…. “in their childhood they were neglected”. BS. Lots of people are neglected in childhood and they don’t go around sexually abusing children.
      Makes me so angry, to hear excuses made for people who intentionally cause so much profound harm.

  2. I have experienced this too. The worst thing is when the therapist falls for the word salad and gaslighting of the abuser….or allows the abuser to gasl8ght you right in front of them, when you supposedly are working on communication…..

    One of my abusers was defending the worse abuser, as I was explaining something in therapy….My ex husband says…” Annie you did not grow up in a normal household, therfore you do not….and never will…know what normal is or what abuse is….

    Then he turned to tbe therapist and said “Annie cannot assess any situation as being abusive, because her mother was an alcoholic. ”

    So this was his BS to shut me down about saying any behaviors within his family that were targeted at me, were abusive. I could not speak of abuse towards me by his mother or his father, because I do not know what abuse is….because my mother was an alcoholic.

    So I don’t know that if his father calls me white trash and then insists I better be at all the family dinners….with tbrear implied of certain things…even though I divorced his son to get away from them….but I do not know that threats and intimidation are abusive…because of my past…

    • I’m really sorry you have had to endure all this. I know how it feels to be shut down, have gaslighting, and have a counsellor minimize the abuse and harm. It really hurts.

      I think many counsellors buy into the lies, manipulation, excuses and everything else abusive people choose to inflict, because it’s easier than dealing with the real truth. If you find excuses for their behaviour, they don’t seem ‘that bad’. It’s how they cope with their jobs.

      The only mental health professional I have ever heard of admitting they were duped and manipulated by abusers, was Robert Hare. He’s admitted he was duped and bought into the lies of psychopaths and didn’t realise until later how much he has been manipulated. And he sees clearly why so many people also get so easily duped by them, when even someone who is the world leading expert on psychopaths, could be manipulated.

      It takes a lack of ego, to be the professional and have to admit you’ve been manipulated by abusers. It’s basically saying the abuser out-smarted them and the counsellor was wrong and counsellor couldn’t figure it out. Not many will want to admit that.

      And in the midst of all this, the ones who have endured the abuse, get abused and traumatised further. And there’s zero trust built, with the counsellor.

      And for complex trauma survivors, having no trust and seeing the abuse they endure – minimized by a mental health professional … is like being further abused. Because that’s exactly what the abusers do.

      I really understand, how horrible this is to endure.

      ❤ ❤