Met with a bunch of ladies & it went well :)

I recently set up a group for mature minded ladies, interested in meeting new people, for coffee and chat. The first get-together was this morning. I really did not want to go. Not because of the group, but because I’ve had a shit few days. Like really shit.

But, I went, because I arranged it, I was hosting it and I don’t like letting people down. So, I went along and 7 other ladies attended. They ranged from mid 40’s to 60’s in age, which is great. I relate more to people older than myself.

I was mindful of all the stuff I have been processing, about not being a beacon to the emotional vampire types. Not being too funny, kooky, quirky and all that stuff. Just taking it easy.

I was friendly and engaged in conversation that was taking place between the other ladies around me. I made sure I spoke to each lady and asked a few questions and didn’t give away much about myself. Boundaries and all that jazz. The conversations were mostly general stuff about their lives, families etc.

One lady is really into gardening and showed a few of us piccies of all her cute garden décor, which is similar to mine. I told her I love gardening too and she was really excited to let me know she belongs to a ladies gardening group in my area, and they get together and chat and swap plants etc. I was invited to come along, and I’m thinking about it. I didn’t just jump straight in to saying yes.

It was enjoyable and the ladies have commented on the group page, how friendly and relaxing the group was and they enjoyed it. So judging by their feedback, they felt it went really well.

I’ve given up expecting anything but invalidation & abuser excusers.

The easy path when dealing with abuse, is to make excuses for abusers and invalidate/minimize the suffering caused by the abuse. The alternative, is too hard.

I’ve given up expecting anything else. I’ve had a lifetime of invalidation, minimization, denial, lies, blame, shame and people’s toxic actions being excused.

And it continues.

I understand it’s easier to make excuses for people who choose to continually harm people in ongoing, and/or heinous ways. It’s easier to minimize the abuse and instead shift the shame to the victim.

This is why people demand forgiveness. And shame the victim if they don’t. If the victims would just forgive their abusers and stop suffering, it makes other people’s lives easier. And the victim is the ‘bad’ person if they don’t. Shame shifting. Total BS.

It’s why people blame all heinous/toxic behaviour on mental illness. Another lie perpetuated, particularly in the mental health industry.

And I’ve realised -there is a lot of money to be made in the mental health industry by telling abusive people what they do is not that bad and making excuses for them.