The easy path when dealing with abuse, is to make excuses for abusers and invalidate/minimize the suffering caused by the abuse. The alternative, is too hard.
I’ve given up expecting anything else. I’ve had a lifetime of invalidation, minimization, denial, lies, blame, shame and people’s toxic actions being excused.
And it continues.
I understand it’s easier to make excuses for people who choose to continually harm people in ongoing, and/or heinous ways. It’s easier to minimize the abuse and instead shift the shame to the victim.
This is why people demand forgiveness. And shame the victim if they don’t. If the victims would just forgive their abusers and stop suffering, it makes other people’s lives easier. And the victim is the ‘bad’ person if they don’t. Shame shifting. Total BS.
It’s why people blame all heinous/toxic behaviour on mental illness. Another lie perpetuated, particularly in the mental health industry.
And I’ve realised -there is a lot of money to be made in the mental health industry by telling abusive people what they do is not that bad and making excuses for them.
I see many reasons why abuse is minimized, excused and the suffering invalidated.
It’s why victims of abuse are told they have to be ‘warriors’ ‘strong survivors’ etc. It’s easy for people to deal with abuse, if we pretend that abuse is a good thing, because it makes people stronger and teaches us. And victims who are not stronger due to the abuse are shamed, told they are ‘acing like a victim’. Which is all total BS.
It’s why stupid/toxic religious people, believe God wants us to suffer, so He can teach us stuff. Total lies. God doesn’t want anyone to suffer for His purposes. He’s not a sociopath or narcissist. And many church people love the ego trip of saying you do not have enough ‘grace’, ‘mercy’ etc. More shame shifting.
It’s why people like to give some reasons for abuse. If you give a ‘positive’ purpose other than suffering, then it’s easier to digest. But, it’s still BS.
People would rather congratulate abusers for making their victims ‘stronger’….. than deal with the truth.
People would rather lie to themselves and pretend minimizing what abusers do and making excuses for them, is compassion. It makes people feel good about themselves, to believe this lie. Again this makes it easier to deal with abuse and abusers.
It’s all dishonesty and delusional behaviour, I won’t buy into.
I could write a lot more, about what people would rather think that is total lies, than deal with the truth. But, I’ll be here all day.
I am really over it.