When you realise, you no longer have any hope…

Having no hope left, is the most painful and lonely place to be.

 

I’m not talking about my journey anymore.

I’ve spent 4 years, talking about my past, all the abuse I have endured. And all it’s done is made my life worse.

I’ve heard every excuse under the sun for abusers. I’ve heard every invalidating opinion, every minimizing and shame shifting attitude. I’ve heard all the toxic attitudes of how survivors of abuse ‘should’ be thinking and what we ‘should’ be doing. And how we are ‘wrong’ ‘weak’ ‘bad’, if we don’t.

It’s like a form of self harm, to keep exposing myself to it.

I can’t do it anymore.

It’s too painful to deal with people who 1) don’t get it 2) prefer to minimize, shame shift, invalidate, for their own purposes & 3) compare you to others – further shaming you in the process.

I get people who haven’t endured all I have, don’t understand it. I get people need to believe whatever makes their life easier.

But, I cannot take any more pain.