Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I’m not talking about my journey anymore.


I’ve spent 4 years, talking about my past, all the abuse I have endured. And all it’s done is made my life worse.

I’ve heard every excuse under the sun for abusers. I’ve heard every invalidating opinion, every minimizing and shame shifting attitude. I’ve heard all the toxic attitudes of how survivors of abuse ‘should’ be thinking and what we ‘should’ be doing. And how we are ‘wrong’ ‘weak’ ‘bad’, if we don’t.

It’s like a form of self harm, to keep exposing myself to it.

I can’t do it anymore.

I'm done

It’s too painful to deal with people who 1) don’t get it 2) prefer to minimize, shame shift, invalidate, for their own purposes & 3) compare you to others – further shaming you in the process.

I get people who haven’t endured all I have, don’t understand it. I get people need to believe whatever makes their life easier.

But, I cannot take any more pain.

I need to stop talking about it, so I can avoid the pain.




Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

7 thoughts on “I’m not talking about my journey anymore.

  1. we are in the Same Boat. lets just keeping rowing…..we are doing great.

  2. Nooooooo! Do not give up! There will always be negativity from those who attempt to minimize your story and your journey! Speaking out in the manner that you have done takes a tremendous amount of courage. You are a light for those of us who are attempting to find our way! Some days it hurts so bad that I can barely breathe, your blog offers peace and lets me know that I ask not alone!

    The pain is there whether it is acknowledged or not, but at least you have an outlet!

    People don’t have to get it because maybe it’s not what they need to hear right at this moment, but those of us who recognize the dark side of what was love – do get it.

    I often tell people that if they walked a mile in my shoes; their feet would hurt!:)

  3. Thank you both. I do appreciate your messages and encouragement ❤ ❤

    I am really struggling and no matter how I am doing, I am always up front about it, here on my blog.

  4. The weight we carry on our shoulders is greater than what most have ever been burdened with in their own lives. The pressure alone could make any UFC champion capitulate, let alone any who haven’t the strength to sail through an emotional flashback without becoming entirely unhinged. We CAN overcome it though. We CAN create a new life…

  5. *hugs*
    I feel for you, I know your struggles, they are like my own.
    I even had a pastor in my past that was as bad as yours. What made it worse was he was my uncle, and godfather. I was only able to start to properly heal after I totally cut him and all the other abusers out of my life. Sadly he managed to drive away the one woman who truly loved me. It’s been a long lonely journey since then, but I finally can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I even finally think I can open up and let somebody in again.

  6. There is a wonderful book, “Invisible Heroes” by a therapist, Bellruth Naparstek. She gets it, totally, and firmly believes people like us are heroes for surviving our traumas. I learned a lot from her–including that there are no “shoulds” in healing from trauma, we all have to do it our own way, in our own time, and that everyone’s path is different.

    I’m so sorry people have minimized your pain and done other hurtful things. You deserve to have a fan club, cheering you on for your courage and resilience (you are courageous even if you don’t feel like it) and reminding you how special you are, and understanding the importance of you speaking your truth. I hope you can find that here! Big hugs my dear…

  7. First of all… my heart breaks from all the pain you’ve endured… many of us have endured… I respect your choice whatever it my be… I want to say thank you for this blog… it helped me and others in our own journey…. I’ve learned so mutch from all you’ve wrote… From all your posters about complex trauma…
    Lots of love ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
    I hope it gets better soon

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