I’ve tried really hard throughout the last 4 years, to believe God loves me. I’ve tried to reconcile a loving God, with all the suffering he allows. I can no longer reconcile this.
I do believe in God, but I don’t believe he loves me. Allowing terrible suffering to go on, is not love. Allowing children to be abused, sexually abused, neglected, is not love.
I will do anything within my capacity to love my children, not hurt them, not allow other people to hurt them. To protect them. I would never just stand by and watch my children suffer, and do nothing. I couldn’t stand by and watch anyone suffer and do nothing. But God does. Jesus does.
And I cannot delude myself any longer that I am loved, when it is so obvious, I am not.
I realise people will believe what they want to believe about God. And that’s okay. We all use different ways of coping.
But, I cannot believe in such cruelty being allowed, and call that love.