Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Narcissists, sociopaths & psychopaths, devastate lives.



I am very aware of the devastation these highly abusive people cause.

They destroy lives, and have no remorse, no conscience, no guilt, no shame.

There are many victims who end their lives, due to severe pain and suffering caused to them, by these highly abusive people.

And they all know exactly what they are doing. They know it’s wrong. They know it’s abuse.

They just don’t care. And they often enjoy and gain pleasure from harming others.

There are people who demand we should feel sorry for them, based on some kind of trauma or abuse they may have been subjected to.

But, the disorders they have, or the possible trauma they have endured, are never excuses to harm others and they are still 100% responsible and accountable for their ‘choices’ of behaviour. Their mental health issues, do not render them incapable of making other choices. They do not render them incapable of resisting abusing others.

So, whilst I do not ever want anyone to have endured abuse, child abuse, trauma….. I will not feel sorry for the highly abusive people they choose to become.

And no victims/survivor of these abusers, should be shamed into having to feel sorry for the people who devastated their lives.

The survivors, are entitled and need to feel the full range of emotions about what they endured, including anger and disgust.

Those who engage in ‘shame-shifting’ by suggesting the victim is wrong for having normal, healthy and needed emotions, about the vile and abhorrent abuse, they were made to endure….. are further abusing the victim.

The survivor of the abuse, needs to feel every emotion necessary, and their healing journey has no time limit.

Healing takes as long as it takes, and it can be a lifelong journey. There is no shame in this. The only shame required, is meant to felt by the abuser who caused the harm.

And the issue of forgiveness, is a very personal issue, and no-one ‘must’ forgive. Some acts of abuse and suffering, are unforgivable. And again, no-one has the right to shame the survivor about this. You are free to forgive and free not to forgive.

I am very thankful, to see this poster shared via Twitter, by mental health professionals, as well as survivors of severe abuse.




Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Narcissists, sociopaths & psychopaths, devastate lives.

  1. Very well said. If abusers who were abused deserved free forgiveness, then I guess that would earn their victims abusive rights on others. It’s sounds like a sensible alibi but it’s not. Not everyone who has been hurt set off to hurt others in turn, it’s purely a matter of choice like you wrote.

    • Yes, I agree – it is a choice. If having a bad childhood equalled the type of bad person you become, I would be a serial killer. But, I’m not.

      My counsellor said to me last week “you are a beautiful example of how what you endure in childhood, does not mean you become an abusive person”.
      I’ve suffered horrific abuse, over many decades, yet I don’t abuse people, I’m honest and I have empathy and a conscience.
      Many severe abuse survivors, don’t go on to be abusers.
      Abuse is never excusable. It is always a choice.

  2. I use to shut down when in the company of people who were happy,healthy and comfortable in their personages. I have come to learn that most people display a certain degree of infantilism when their comfortable in the midst of others. This was a trigger for me as i was the victim of a sado machostic game intiated by an adult because i defied a directive from her as she was trying recruit my parents into a swingers lifestyle. It has taken me almost twenty years to process the details of this expierence as well as numerous other traumas as they have surfaced. This particular one devastated my ability to cognit mood and behaviour in others. I was sick with a flu that was just beginning to break. I wanted to be outside playing with my siblings and two of her kids who apprated to me as being happy healthy and vibrant and also having lots of fun playing. I was cycling between moments of release from the despair of illness and moments of a resurging vitality. I was whinging and whining about my situation as most 5year olds are but i was issued with a directive from the female perpertrator to go to bed. I defied her and she asked me if i wanted to play a game then. She asked the other kids if they wanted to play a game and they said yes. She the said you kids know how to play ill tell you a secret to which her kids responded with vigor that they did. I picked up on their enthusiasm and became excited myself. I was so enthused that i was caught out twice. The game involved pretending you had a secret and after you began to whisper in your victims ear you would then begin to scream as loudly as you could. I was so enthused to hear a secret i was caugjt out at least twice. I believe i was distraught. I recall being really emotional and was led to my bed by my mother and told that was what happened when you play games. It wasnt until i was in rehab at the age of 25 that i heard that there was a concept of people playing mind games. As you may intuit my family and most of the people i come to know played these sick games to some degree and i have come to learn sociopaths want to win at all costs. Pyschopaths become vindictive and malicious if they lose and narcissists highly aggressive. No wonder i wore a mask of sub servience to survive these abusers. I didnt know that my permissiveness was an automation formed to protect myself mentally and emotionally. Twenty years and i still have a very disruptable life. I dont forgove these sorts of people , i tolerate them. Because to engage them you have to be willing to be just as competitive which is taken to the extreme. I am grateful for the most part today though so i hope this wasnt to revealing. Keep safe all.

  3. I have learned to keep quiet —– I talk to NO ONE about this issue. You have helped me with that Lily. Sick of dysfunctional uneducated people and their so called Christian MASKS