Do I go to church homegroup, or not?

I’ve been attending a church for a few months, and have intentionally taken it easy and carefully. I’ve now been invited to attend a home group and I’m really conflicted.

Part of me, says no don’t do it. Church people can have very unwise opinions, very re-traumatising advice. And due to my past experiences of abusive and unhealthy church people, church is not a ‘safe’ place.

But, another part of me is saying don’t dismiss these people, based upon other church people.

I think I need to decide if I am strong enough, and resilient enough to hear potentially unwise and hurtful ‘church people’s’ opinions. Is the potential harm, going to damage my health more? Is it worth the risk?

Sadly, too many church people participate in victim shaming and shame shifting – further traumatising abuse survivors. Too many churches enable and condone abuse, with their twisted and unwise interpretation of Bible verses. Too many protect and enable abusers. Too many churches encourage child abuse and domestic violence. Too many churches encourage narcissism, sociopathic behaviours and feel entitled to abuse people. And do so with no remorse, no shame, no guilt. Such as abusing LGBTIQ. Such as abusing abuse survivors – shame-shifting about not ‘forgiving’ or not showing ‘mercy/grace’. I could write pages about unwise church people issues. In fact, I have so much experience and knowledge of all this, I could write a book and I do have 12 chapters in mind.

There’s a part of me that knows, if this church proves itself to be really unsafe, really unwise, really stupid and traumatising – especially in the way they deal with abuse survivors and perpetrators of abuse, I think it will be the final straw, when it comes to attending church.

My advice, is only listen to trauma experts & those with empathy, education & insight.

Bessel van der Kolk, sure ‘gets’ what a childhood filled with fear, no love, deep loneliness feels like and leads to. The severe affects it has on the survivor.

He explains clearly within all his work, how complex trauma in childhood, is far more damaging than when endured in adulthood, because the child’s brain is immature, still growing and affected by the environment and relationships the child is exposed to.

So when this abuse is caused by parents, or caregivers, it is severely damaging. To the child’s growing and malleable brain, psyche and body. Trauma is felt and experiences, by the mind, brain, body, heart, soul and spirit. And all of these are affected by ongoing suffering, fear, abuse and neglect.

The success of this blog, challenges every person who has harmed me ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I still remember when I started this blog and I was so excited and surprised, when it had even a few views per day. I did not expect at all, for this blog to become the success it is. And it still feels a little surreal, to know that so many people are reading stuff I have written, all round the world. It still feels bizarre.

I guess those many voices and messages I’ve heard and endured throughout my life, telling me I am worthless and only any good for being treated badly, with no respect and all the terrible things done to me and said about me…… are still there.

But, this blog and it’s success…. challenge those voices, those attitudes, those opinions. And completely prove how all those voices, were wrong. Very wrong.

Who I am is defined not by what they did, but defined by all I have overcome. Becoming a caring, empathic person with integrity, honesty and a conscience. Overcoming every single abusive person, every single abusive action I suffered. Overcoming decades of severe abuse, to be someone so very different to every abusive person who tried to destroy me. No matter how much they projected their own self hatred and darkness, onto someone they knew was vulnerable…. no matter how much they wanted to make me suffer…… I did suffer, and yet I survived and overcame it and became