Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Do I go to church homegroup, or not?


I’ve been attending a church for a few months, and have intentionally taken it easy and carefully. I’ve now been invited to attend a home group and I’m really conflicted.

Part of me, says no don’t do it. Church people can have very unwise opinions, very re-traumatising advice. And due to my past experiences of abusive and unhealthy church people, church is not a ‘safe’ place.

But, another part of me is saying don’t dismiss these people, based upon other church people.

I think I need to decide if I am strong enough, and resilient enough to hear potentially unwise and hurtful ‘church people’s’ opinions. Is the potential harm, going to damage my health more? Is it worth the risk?


Sadly, too many church people participate in victim shaming and shame shifting – further traumatising abuse survivors. Too many churches enable and condone abuse, with their twisted and unwise interpretation of Bible verses. Too many protect and enable abusers. Too many churches encourage child abuse and domestic violence. Too many churches encourage narcissism, sociopathic behaviours and feel entitled to abuse people. And do so with no remorse, no shame, no guilt. Such as abusing LGBTIQ. Such as abusing abuse survivors – shame-shifting about not ‘forgiving’ or not showing ‘mercy/grace’. I could write pages about unwise church people issues. In fact, I have so much experience and knowledge of all this, I could write a book and I do have 12 chapters in mind.

There’s a part of me that knows, if this church proves itself to be really unsafe, really unwise, really stupid and traumatising – especially in the way they deal with abuse survivors and perpetrators of abuse, I think it will be the final straw, when it comes to attending church.

This is the third church I have attended in the last 4 years, and it will no doubt be the last if there are issues I cannot tolerate.

So, there is a part of me that doesn’t even want to find out. Because if I find out this church is unsafe, I will not attend or put my children at risk or around unhealthy people.

But, there is a part of me, that has hope these people, are going to be healthy, wise and safe.

hope 2

I have to decide if the potential good, is worth the risk of the potential bad results of getting to know them?





Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Do I go to church homegroup, or not?

  1. If you already know these things after attending so other churches it just seems to me that you should really take a look at what your reasons are for going back. Seems to me that you already know what the outcome will be based on the other churches you attended. You state “I could write pages about unwise church people issues. In fact, I have so much experience and knowledge of all this, I could write a book and I do have 12 chapters in mind.” Why are you risking going through the trauma of it all again? I have done this in my life . I also SUFFER from complex PPSD from childhood dealing with the abuses of my authority figure father. The last position I had The narcissistic CEO asked me why I wanted to move and I told him to learn how to deal with people that exhibit his behaviors and he smiled. I later was destroyed by that man. I read it happens all the time. Going back to a scene of a crime hoping to fix oneself in the process. It didnt work out for me the times I did it. In fact it made things far worse. I cant tell you to run away but can only ask you ask yourself why are you putting your mental health in danger when you basically know what the outcome will be.

    • You make very valid points and I completely understand what you are saying. I don’t know whether getting to know these church people more, is an act of self harm, or something that could be okay/healthy.
      I don’t believe all church people are unhealthy, unwise and harmful. I would be ‘overgeneralising’ if I thought that. It would be irrational to think that.
      But, I also know a lot of church people get so hung up on Bible verses and ‘needing’ to be seen to be a ‘good Christian’ – they lose the capacity to deal with issues in a wise, healthy and safe way.
      So, I am very conflicted.
      I will probably talk about this in counselling today.