Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

My advice, is only listen to trauma experts & those with empathy, education & insight.


Bessel van der Kolk, sure ‘gets’ what a childhood filled with fear, no love, deep loneliness feels like and leads to. The severe affects it has on the survivor.

bessell van der kolk.png

He explains clearly within all his work, how complex trauma in childhood, is far more damaging than when endured in adulthood, because the child’s brain is immature, still growing and affected by the environment and relationships the child is exposed to.

So when this abuse is caused by parents, or caregivers, it is severely damaging. To the child’s growing and malleable brain, psyche and body. Trauma is felt and experiences, by the mind, brain, body, heart, soul and spirit. And all of these are affected by ongoing suffering, fear, abuse and neglect.

My work, my website, are based upon the trauma experts work. They have given me far more insight into myself and my journey. Often I read something an expert has written and it explains so clearly something I knew and felt, but could not put into words. Now, I can.

I am very aware of the deep consequences of severe complex trauma, caused in childhood.

I am very aware, these consequences are lifelong, and take a lifetime to manage and try to heal. As Bessel van der Kolk stated, these consequences, are permanent. They don’t disappear when you become an adult. They remain well into adulthood and only can begin to heal, when a survivor starts the healing process.

I am aware healing is slow process and one that takes a lot of courage, self insight & persistence. And that’s okay. Trying to heal decades of severe abuse and neglect, is not going to be quick.

It is helpful, comforting and validating, to read the understanding and insight of trauma experts. Especially when we live in a society that shames victims of abuse – if we are not deemed ‘strong enough’. A society that shames us for not ‘getting over it’. A society that shames us if we don’t recover quickly. A society that compares us to the poster children for recovery. A society that shames us if we are not ‘forgiving enough’. A society that has very little understanding of the consequences, of severe and complex trauma.

Ignorance about severe trauma and complex trauma, is lethal. It leads to more shame and many survivors end their lives due to this. People believe their opinions are right, when so often they are far from educated, or insightful. And this harms people more.

My advice, is to ignore 99.9% of what society tells us about abuse. And listen only to the complex trauma experts, listen only to those with deep insight and empathy. (Which is very few people). Because anyone without these, does not have a valid opinion about it. And it will be re-traumatising and harm complex trauma survivors, as a result. Even if unintentionally.



Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “My advice, is only listen to trauma experts & those with empathy, education & insight.

  1. Reblogged this on my child within and commented:
    Completely agree..Being shamed further is incredibly painful when you have suffered childhood trauma!

  2. I appreciate your blog – I’ve learned to see a lot of me in what you write and it has been helpful. Thanks!

  3. My 16 year old grandson suffers from PTSD by being severely beaten by his dad when he was 9. His anger seems worse now than ever and he hasn’t seen his dad since that time. Lives with a very loving mom and his siblings. He’s been in in-home intensive care, counseling, hospitals, on meds, off meds, on supplements, off supplements and nothing has seemed to help. He has done well in between his regressions but now it seems as he’s relapsed backwards and we don’t know why. He bullies his mom, attacks her and his sisters when he doesn’t get his way. We are at a loss as to what to do now but his mom and sisters can’t continue living this way. His dad seemed to have had some of the same issues as my grandson but he and my daughter have been divorced for 10 years or more. No one seems to know how to help and many agencies aren’t willing. School is a total disaster because my grandson is very defiant and keeps getting suspended. I wish we knew what to do. At our wit’s end.

  4. excellent read

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