Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

It’s all in slow motion.


It’s my little boys birthday tomorrow. Today, I went with my husband, to buy his presents and cards. My husband bought breakfast and coffee for us. He’s worried about me. He knows I’m not okay.

Throughout the whole day, it’s been as though I were out of my body, looking at myself. I could hear noises, voices, but they were muted. It’s all in slow motion.

In a haze, I picked out gifts, cards. Just numbness. I have no connection to my emotions. It’s like I’m hollow. An outer shell, walking around, doing what I need to do. But, I’ve left my body. I’m not connected to myself.

I have to do this. It’s my son’s birthday tomorrow.

I have to be okay tomorrow.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “It’s all in slow motion.

  1. Has your counselor ever tried teaching you methods to stop or control the disassociation when it is happening? I use the beginning alternating tapping method that is sometimes used for EMDR. I somehow figured it out long before I ever was taught how to do EMDR on myself. There are a number of other methods that can be used but I don’t know them.

    • Thank you for your message and concern. I appreciate it ❤

      I do know many strategies for managing dissociation. Sometimes though, I don't want to manage it. I am so overwhelmed and so emotionally distraught, I'm thankful to be dissociated. So when it happens, it's usually when I am totally beyond coping any other way.

      But, today I have been on top of it, as we went to the zoo for my sons Birthday. I've needed to stay present and force myself to stay mindful of what is happening. It has been exhausting, but needed, so my son had a great day.