Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I’ve learned my lesson. I will never discuss mental health, with a church person again.


I’m aware a lot of church people, who think they are Christians, believe all mental illness, is demonic. I’ve had people tell me I am demonic. I’ve had insinuations I am a child of the devil. I’ve had church people tell me I need an exorcism. I’ve had church people tell me I have the ‘seeds of Satan within me’, because I’ve been raped 100’s of times, by a paedophile and a psychopath. All spiritual, psychological and emotional abuse. But, they have remorse, no guilt, no shame, no empathy.

I’m aware of the (wrong) literal and abusive interpretations of the Bible. But, I truly did believe, not all church people think like this.

I believed my counsellor (church person) did not believe this. Until I heard her say, that mental health/illness – is ‘the dark side’. Which means demonic and of Satan. And she said this to a whole heap of church people, at a conference. So, they no doubt would all think the same. She wouldn’t have said it otherwise.

I would never have believed I would hear that attitude from her. Of all the things we have different opinions on, I did not ever assume this would be one of them.

It has shocked and devastated me, to a level I cannot even describe. It is a huge betrayal, to know that for 4 years I have talked to this woman, told her things I have never told anyone else. I’ve trusted her more than any person I have ever trusted. And all along, she believes my mental health issues, mean I am demonic, evil, of Satan. I’m on ‘the dark side’.

The repercussions of this, are huge. And on many levels.

These kinds of abusive and incorrect attitudes, promote and worsen stigma about mental health/illness.

These attitudes, re-traumatise those who have mental health issues, caused by abuse.

These attitudes, hurt, harm, abuse and devastate people, who have already been harmed enough.

And I don’t give a fuck what Bible interpretations people wish to choose…… it is a deep lack of empathy and compassion, to say those with mental health issues are all on ‘the dark side’.

Quite frankly, it is fucking disgusting.

And as result, I have learned my lesson. I will NEVER discuss my mental health issues, or my abuse history, with a church person, ever again.

It will never be something I will risk. Because what they may say, is in fact very different to what they are thinking.

And I don’t do dishonesty, or duplicity.

Or abusive church people.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

10 thoughts on “I’ve learned my lesson. I will never discuss mental health, with a church person again.

  1. There is no better way to gaslight someone then when in a church setting. I had this happen many years. My old Pastor who is a complete Narcissistic abuser did this to many people. In real life gaslighting might be hiding your keys but in this situation all he had to do was move the bar with “God knows, wants, is angry, has come up before him, is happy, is pleased, has informed me through the Holy Ghost, showed me your bitter, etc.. The paradigm offered by the Bible is without empathy no matter how you look at it. Gaslight potential beyond what any abuser could dream of. Good call.

  2. I am so sorry you are going through this. Anyone navigating though CPTSD and have trust broken is devastating. The stigma of mental health is propagated by those in power. The church to be sure has always had a history of blaming the “dark side” for anything that makes them uncomfortable.
    That the psychiatric community labels everything a “disorder” is also quite frankly fucking disgusting. That they write a prescription(S) after talking to you for 15 minutes because the pharmaceutical companies pay to have their product pushed is fucking disgusting. I am angry for you and for me and everyone who is going through a lifetime of being punished for things done to them which they had no control over. I will not rant on your page anymore. Just know you are heard and you were strong enough to get this far. You are strong enough to keep going. The church is Not God. Fuck them. I will understand if you choose to delete. Safe hugs sent your way.

    • Please know, I am totally okay with people venting here. I know how much we need support from each other, in a society that fails abuse survivors so often.

      You are right, the ‘church’ often blames ‘the dark side’ for their own failures as human beings. And they victim blame, victim shame, shame-shift and abuse people a lot.

      You are right to have a ‘fuck them’ attitude. You cannot reason with people who choose to have completely irrational, self serving, abusive attitudes.

      And you are also right, the church is not God. I must remember that and keep very mindful of that. Thank you.

      I’m very aware, there is no justification for calling mental illness ‘the dark side’. There is no explanation, that will be okay. It’s abusive. And I have learned my lesson.

      Much love, Lilly ❤

  3. Oh wow this was like reading my own story. Where we used to live it was a very religious small town community and I made a friend who was a big part of the Christian movement. She was the mother of my daughter’s best friend but I was, unfortunately, incredibly vulnerable at the time when she started to quote passages from the bible to me. All I wanted was a shoulder to cry on and for someone to listen, oh yes she did this for some months but then one day she said that god will really save you from your ‘hell’. When my daughter was self harming, she got a church friend to come round to ‘bless’ our home from evil spirits.
    I have never believed in god. What you went through was horrendous and really feel for you and yes you would think you could trust people who go to church, but believe me they have their very own deep demons going on much more than we can ever imagine. They believe that church is the answer. We did attempt, a few times, to go to the local church as we felt increasingly isolated as a family, due in part to people shunning us because we had an autistic son (their ignorance and their loss). The shock and disbelief on the congregations faces, of boy! when my son started to make noises, was a joke. We ran right out of there, the hostility was horrible.

  4. Thank you all for your responses and support. I do truly appreciate it.

    I feel so sorry for all who have been spiritually/emotionally abused by church people. I know how painful it is. Their attitudes towards abuse and mental health can be so fucked up. Excuse my language, but it makes me angry to know how much they hurt people.

    I already had huge issues with church people, but now, I think I will never even attempt to confide in, or trust any church people again.

    For those who do have church people who are not abusive and are caring and appropriate in their thinking, I am truly very happy for you.

    But, for those who have been re-traumatised, re-victimised and abused in all the many ways church people can be abusive……. please know, I am terribly sorry and very upset for you all.

    Lilly ❤

  5. THE MASK is what people use. The MASK OF A CHRISTIAN> joke….manipulative

    • I think they truly believe what they think, is correct. And they do not care, how hurtful, abusive and destructive their opinions are. They just want to spout what they believe is right.
      People’s opinions, never fail to amaze and disgust me.
      People can be really bizarre.
      I just know I cannot get too hurt by their opinions, because their opinions are actually nothing to do with me, or who I am. Their opinions are a reflection of themselves.
      I need to be always mindful of this.

  6. from a christian and psychologist point of view, im sorry you had to experience that and it is unfortunate that narrow mindedness clouds our ability to be genuine and honest regardless of religion.i have long been frustrated at the number of people especially on the african continent who label anything unknown or unfamiliar as demonic,it makes mental health work very difficult because prayer and ‘deliverance’ of evil spririts is used as the white wash for every problem-which often just covers up festering wounds and leaves people worse off than they were before. believe me, there are plenty of christians who find fault with this, but please don’t think of this as a ‘christian’ problem, it is a ‘people’ problem. people who have no other/better way of making sense of their lives often blame the most vague and hard to prove thing around in their context (im sure people in moslem countries will tell you their own set of challenges with their religion and mental health).i hope that you will find some genuine,honest understanding people that will help you on your path, people that are not afraid to admit they have no clue-rather than hide behind religion or man made theories/opinions/labels used to control and oppress people with mental health problems

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