Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

My marriage, is really affecting my health.


I am only with my husband for my children. He knows that and he knows why. He is a lying, devious, manipulative person. He’s told so many lies that I know about, and no doubt many more I don’t know about. He is a compulsive liar. I don’t trust him at all, or have any respect for him.

I just caught him out being devious, hiding something and outright lying about it. And he only admitted to lying, when he no choice but admit it.

His levels of narcissism, selfishness and lack of conscience, are making me ill and are abusive. he’s admitted he lied to me today. But, he looks at me like it’s no big deal. He has no capacity for empathy.

I’m meant to be in relationships where I can learn to trust and heal. And I don’t have that and it is hindering my healing.

But, my marriage makes me ill and if it weren’t for my children, I would have left some time ago. I accept the only reason I got together with him 15 years ago, is because I had really low self esteem and no idea what a decent man acts like. And I have no choice but to stay with him, as I cannot work and support my children myself.

This is a really hard time, with my decision to quit counselling. The last thing I need is my husbands narcissism and lies making me feel worse.

I feel like this is all going to push me over the edge soon. I really don’t know how much more I can handle.



Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

8 thoughts on “My marriage, is really affecting my health.

  1. at least you are AWARE of what he is doing. My experience was I was NOT aware of what my ex was doing, and I cracked! ended up in hospital twice. finally got rid of him !!!!!

  2. Oh I am so sorry to hear that you are having to endure this. I don’t know what to say,but i wish I could take your pain away.

  3. Is there any way you can take the kids and get them and yourself away from him? He’s going to damage the kids too, you’d all be better off without him, even if you have to start over from scratch. There is a way! You don’t have to put up with the abuse and neither should your children.

  4. sorry to hear about that. you’re not doing your kids any favours though, all they are learning is to stay in a destructive relationship and put themselves second.speaking from a child of divorce point of view-its better to leave now.the best thing you can ever do for your children is to take care of yourself first.good luck.x ycni.org/downloads/misc/Nature_Self_Esteem.pdf

  5. I empathize with your situation. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 20 years. I know how hard it is to have any positive belief in yourself while in your situation. One of the things I had come to realize was it wasn’t the relationship with him that had me trapped, it was my mind, my way of thinking. He was not saying anything worse to me than I was saying to myself. You can’t control him. You can learn to control yourself. That’s the work. It’s scary work and difficult. Only you know how much you are willing to take. Does he beat you? Does he beat the children? Inside you there is a line that if he crossed it, you would leave. That line is not chiseled in stone. You can always move it. Good luck and don’t give up.

  6. I pray you can find a way out soon for all of your well being. I know how detrimental Narcissistic people are to our healing as if healing isn’t hard enough on its own. You are a very strong spiritual person and you have come so far, don’t let this keep you from all the blessings you have coming. Is there any women centers or crisis centers near you that you could reach out to? In my own life experiences those type of places of have been life savors for me since I was a child, they usually help with financial things and safe places to stay, attorney fees and evening going to court with women leaving mental and physically abusive relationships. They usually have someone to help counsel you although they are generally not psychiatrists or even psychologists, most of them are women that have come from abusive families and marriages and have committed to give back and help others. I hope you check around your area for somewhere like this, it may be just the hand up you need. Who knows maybe they will be more beneficial to you than your counselor has been. Ill continue praying for you and that you will find the healing, peace and love you deserve! God bless!!