I went to counselling today. I shouldn’t have gone. But, I did.
The whole ‘mental illness is the dark side’ issue was discussed. She gave an explanation that I don’t trust to be the truth. I think she believes I am demonic, she just doesn’t say that to me, because counsellors probably aren’t allowed to say that.
I know I’m not demonic and I don’t give a fuck what she thinks of me anymore. I’m aware how abusive church people can be.
But, it was interesting what she decided to raise…… when she knew I was already really upset and struggling. And I had told her I was having suicide ideation.
She decided to tell me paedophiles can love their own children – in the context of ‘bad people do good’. This was her choice, to defend paedophiles. Wow. It was like a grenade she threw in, just to finish me off.
She knew this would be a huge trigger and would be way too upsetting to discuss, when I’m already in a highly emotional state.
I think she did it intentionally, to upset and trigger me.
No-one is that stupid, to raise that conversation at a time when a victim of paedophile abuse – is already struggling and suicidal. She knows the reaction that would create.
Maybe she just wants to push me over the edge. Maybe she was pissed off at me challenging her and she wanted her revenge.
But, whatever her intentions, she got the reaction she wanted. I got really upset and ran out of her room crying. I nearly crashed my car on the way home, and had to keep telling myself I cannot end my life, because my children need me.
I had to phone my husband to come home, and leave a police operation he was on, because I was so distraught.
It’s been a horrendous day.