My ladies group is going well, with great attendance and good conversation. I like hearing about their lives, their interests, their life experiences.
I am aware I am not forthcoming about my own life. I give very little away. I’m aware how unsafe it is, to talk about my life. All they know, is I am a mother of 2 boys, married to a cop and I don’t work. I’ve talked about places I’ve visited, like Paris, Caribbean. But, I do not venture anywhere near my trauma related stuff.
I don’t think I will ever divulge any of my trauma related stuff, again. The subject of PTSD came up in relation to one women’s relative having it. I could have jumped straight into that conversation with all my PTSD knowledge. But, I didn’t. I have no desire to tell anyone about my health, my past, or the issues I still endure. In fact, as it was being talked about, I remained silent.
I’ve learned my lesson about telling anyone about having PTSD or why. I think this is a closed subject now with people. I think it will be a part of me that will remain shut down permanently. Being open about it, never leads to anything good.
I’ve noticed those who are very open about their lives. I’ve noticed who talks too openly and those who are more reserved. I’ve noticed who is positive, who isn’t. I’ve noticed who can chat easily and who can’t. I notice it all.
I’ve also noticed some of the ladies who have clicked with each other and I like that. I like to think new friendships within the group are being formed.
They are a very diverse group of ladies and I like that.
I’m keeping it light, surface level, informal , non emotional chat. It is all I feel safe to do and all I am willing to engage in. I realise it is a little sad, I cannot be who I am. Fully. But, I would rather only give people one small part of me, than risk getting hurt.
There has been lots of positive feedback and several are regulars, who I think will attend often.
It’s going well and I’m glad I set it up.