I was at my ladies group this week and a local coffee place. At the next table to us, were a group of special needs adults and some carers. It was lovely seeing them and how they were being treated just like anyone else, and enjoying their drinks and food.
Some of the special needs adults, had behaviours that would not be considered normal. One kept making loud noises, one kept hugging the person he was next to, and some of the others were having non ordinary behaviours.
As I was watching them, I thought some of them are possibly intellectually impaired and just did not understand their behaviour were socially unacceptable and not ‘normal’. I realised these adults, could be capable of other behaviours they would not necessarily understand were wrong and possibly not understand the consequences of their behaviours.
Which also made me think about abusive people who do intentionally harm others, and they know exactly what they are doing. Like narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, paedophiles, sex offenders, rapists etc. Their ‘mental health/illness’ does NOT render them incapable of understanding whether their actions are wrong/harmful. They do know, they just don’t care. It’s why they are manipulative, sly, do things behind closed doors. It’s why they lie and deny. It’s absolutely intentional.
There is a big difference between someone who is genuinely incapable of knowing whether their actions are wrong, and someone who does know.
Someone who is intellectually impaired, and has development issues in many areas…. is very different to a manipulative, lying, devious, narcissist. Very different to a paedophile, or sex offender. Very different to a sociopath or psychopath.
And all of these highly abusive types of people are absolutely consciously choosing to hurt people, lie to people. They are not insane. They are 100% responsible and accountable for their intentional and deliberate actions that harm others.
Which is why it really pisses me off, when people say ‘oh they can’t help being a narcissist, or paedophile (etc) – it’s their mental illness’. Total bullshit.
And it pisses me off and insults my intelligence, to suggest they cannot help it.
It pisses me off when their abusive actions, are minimized and the victims invalidated as a result.
It pisses me off when people then demand victims see it as ‘mental illness they cannot help’.
It is a huge insult to the victims of these highly abusive people.
It is huge insult to the victims, to deny these abusive people knew they were doing wrong.
It is a huge insult and re-traumatising, to invalidate this, and minimize the consequences, by pretending the abuse was not intentional.
It is a huge insult to demand the victims ‘just forgive’ and they are in the wrong if they don’t.
If people ‘need’ to see these abusive people in any other way than the truth and reality, they are insulting the victims.
And I will not be insulted in this way, anymore.