Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Sure, it’s easier to show grace, mercy & forgiveness, about ‘minimized’ abuse.


I’ve just had one of those light-bulb moments, when I work something out, that is really bothering me.

So many church people minimize abuse. In my short 4 years of being a Christian, I have seen it all too often. I’ve endured spiritual abuse. I’ve endured excuse making, victim shaming, denial of abuse…… I could on.

The reason for many, as to why they choose to minimize abuse, is because it is so much easier to do your Christian duty, when you minimize the vileness of the abuse – down from the vile, abhorrent reality of it…. down to ‘funny thinking’ or making excuses for the abuser, or even denying parts of it.

I’m imagining this big huge bulging cloud of dark heaving trauma & suffering (called abuse) and then a series of clouds reducing down in size, reducing in intensity, reducing in darkness, reducing in pain and suffering, down to a little grey cloud, that is far less heavy, far less bulging with suffering, just has a little pain contained ………. and an arrow pointing at that little grey cloud and the words underneath – as a church person “I forgive the ‘mistakes’ that person made.  We are all sinners. All sin is equal. I show that person who caused that ‘incident’ (abuse) the grace and mercy and compassion God tells us to. And another little thought bubble underneath with “see I am a good Christian, I do what God wants. I show grace, mercy, forgiveness and compassion for that person ‘accused’ of abuse.”.

Sure it’s easier to be a ‘good Christian; when you minimize abuse, when you minimize intentionality, when you minimize responsibility, when you shame shift, victim shame etc.

It’s far easier to do your Christians duty with regard to a 1/10 trauma/suffering…. than the realty of it being a 10/10 trauma/suffering.

It’s far easier to deal with a little trauma/pain (grey cloud) you can easily manage, than the crushing weight of trauma and abuse (huge dark heaving cloud).

My counsellor minimized spiritual abuse where church people call those with mental illness – demonic. She termed it as ‘funny thinking’. I got really annoyed and said it’s abuse. And she reluctantly and begrudgingly admitted – yes it is abuse. But, she had to be pushed into giving it the real terminology. It was then I realised, she is a typical church person who minimizes abuse in her head, to deal with it.

It’s way easier to do your Christian duty, by not dealing with the magnitude of the trauma and instead minimize the depth of the suffering caused.

It’s way easier to do your Christian duty, when you fail to deal with truth, reality and fail to have the courage and empathy for the victim they deserve.

It’s way easier to deal with anything, when you don’t deal with the truth.

Truth and reality……… is not a path many choose. It’s a much harder road.


Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Sure, it’s easier to show grace, mercy & forgiveness, about ‘minimized’ abuse.

  1. Part of our christian duty is to forgive when there is remorse, otherwise we have no business handing a carte blanche to anyone who has sinned. That is destructive for the sinner as well, it is the green light they need to continue what they were doing without having to repent. And by remorse I do not mean a half-ass fake apology, but realizing their wrongs, admitting to what they did, trying to repair the damage caused, and permanently shifting their behavior. If the above don’t happen then we can’t automatically forgive. If we believe god would not forgive anyone unremorseful, why many christians think they are above god and can do it?

  2. So true!
    They take the easy way out and throw victims under the bus so that they don’t have to confront evil or atrocities.

    It’s an act of cowardice.

    It takes courage & perseverance to confront and conquer evil or atrocities.

    They choose the easy road of cowards.

    This choice makes them pro-child rape & abuse.

    This choice means they willingly choose to enable (and are in fact participating in) child rape & abuse.

    It takes a village to raise a child and
    It takes a village to rape a child.

  3. Right , I have found this to be true 100% of the time in my life and I happen to live in a rural community with alot of church people, so I have learned that outiside of counseling I only turn to food and nature for comfort not people( except online). I know that self isolating makes my CPTSD worse and I am already disabled by it, but what is the other option getting retraumatized? It’s like your in this continual catch 22 which is no fun at all.

  4. It is so sad, and sits very heavily on my heart, to know how victims of abuse, are further harmed, re-traumatised by people who do not wish to consider the fullness and reality of the suffering people can endure due to severe, ongoing abuse.

    It’s a weight I carry for myself, and for others. I know the damage and further suffering it causes.

    I know victims have ended their lives due to this. Survivors isolate further, to avoid this.

    And we all don’t deserve a single second of any of it. It’s due to harm from other people. And every one of them, could have made other choices, which did not harm us.

    It continues on long after the original abuse has ended.

    I feel so much empathy, for every survivor who endures this.

    ❤ ❤ ❤