Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Breathing skills, sure helped when my wisdom tooth was extracted.

I had an infected, painful wisdom tooth. I’ve had it being painful for many years. But, it got worse, so I decided I had to get it taken out.

The x-rays showed the wisdom tooth was embedded in the bone, it was only partially erupted and was infected.

I was pretty nervous when it came to the dental surgeon taking it out. Just the thought of feeling trapped in the chair, with people leaning over me, is a trigger. I am a severe abuse survivor and feeling trapped, is not easy to deal with.

Pain, is also a trigger. Having severe PTSD and Complex PTSD, means I can and do have many triggers, leading to visual, emotional and somatic flashbacks.

I decided I would utilise every PTSD, anxiety strategy I could, to help me manage this situation. Including breathing and mindfulness skills.

And I prayed for strength and the capacity to deal with this.

The extraction procedure was not pleasant. Just hearing the saw I knew she was using to cut the bone, was horrible.

But, I remained absolutely calm throughout. I was breathing….. in for 4…… and out for 4. And praying I would not feel pain. I shut my eyes the whole time, because I didn’t want to see them leaning over me. That helped with not feeling so trapped. Continue reading


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How People Use ‘Forgiveness’ To ‘Shame’ Abuse Survivors ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I see this occurring, all too often.

Religious people, can be the worst for this. I’ve heard many toxic and abusive statements, like ‘God won’t forgive you of your sins, if you don’t forgive your abusers’, ‘all sins are equal’. ‘I’ve forgiven, so should you’. Plus Buddhists deem you will get your ‘karma’ for not forgiving everyone of everything. They lord forgiveness over you as something if you do not have for everyone, makes ‘you’ the bad person. It really does become a big ego fest.

And this is all highly abusive.

This is all ‘shame-shifting’.

The only person that does need to feel shame, is the abuser. They do need to feel appropriate shame about their actions. They do need to feel remorse about the harm they caused. They need to seek to do what is necessary, to deal with it appropriately. Like be honest and tell the truth. Be honest about their motivations.

And if they did all this, they would not expect or demand anything from the victim. They would know the victim needs to deal with their healing, how the victim needs. They would know the victim is absolutely entitled to feel anger, rage, disgust and needs to grieve.

No-one gets to demand forgiveness.

No-one gets to demand, their interpretation of forgiveness.

No-one gets to demand reconciliation, or any further contact with the abuser.

Some things like child sexual abuse, can appropriately be deemed unforgiveable. Continue reading


I realise I get ‘crazier’ to some people. And it’s a positive.

wisdom and consciousness

I am aware I have always been ‘different’ to your average person, who has experienced a more average life. I’ve been described as ‘different’ in many ways. ‘Kooky’, ‘quirky’, ‘crazy’ etc. And I now I accept I am different. Not better than anyone. But different.

One of the greatest flaws in humanity, is the general incapacity to accept anything that is not personally understood. And the way most people deal with this….. is to reject and dismiss, mock and invalidate….. as per the need many have to remain ignorant, unwise and lacking in insight. And it is a choice.

Many people, also cannot bear to be ‘wrong’. The human perilous ego.

So, I have also accepted I continue to grow in my differences to many. But, this is down to my wider life experiences, my capacity to learn, be wrong, have insight and self honesty. Continue reading


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Invited to participate in a Webinar

I received a message today, an invitation to participate in a webinar session, with a doctor who specialises in trauma and PTSD!

As I write/work under an anonymous identity, with a pen name, I have a lot to think about. A webinar will reveal my face, my identity more.

So, I’m going to speak to my counsellor, to discuss all the potential consequences, should I decide to go ahead and do the webinar.

opportunities

Whatever the outcome, I feel very blessed to be invited! It is such an honour to be invited by a professional in the trauma field. Continue reading


I only started processing anger, when I allowed myself to truly feel it.

Society has a very bad habit of saying some emotions are ‘bad’. Like anger. I see this poor and unwise opinion everywhere.

Even within the mental health profession, there are some lacking in all insight, who believe certain emotions are ‘negative’.

This link explains the ‘myth of negative emotions’.

The Myth of Negative Emotions

I’ve heard it in a church, where being angry equalled to ‘being a child of the devil’. This said by a narcissist, lying, manipulative minister. Of course it’s easy for him to take that shallow, self serving, shame shifting road. When you have no courage, no capacity for honesty – that’s the easy road. That’s the road, many narcissistic people take.

I’ve been told by several abusive people, that being angry is bad, wrong, makes me a bad person. Of course, this was just more toxic abuse. And they spouted this BS, because they knew they were abusers and didn’t want anyone to have normal emotions about what they were doing. So they ‘shame’ their victims, into not expressing it. They shame shift, from themselves, the shame they should be feeling, onto their victims. It makes them feel better – to shame and blame their victim and shame shift. It means they don’t have to deal with the truth of who they really are.

Anger is a needed emotion, and a healthy emotion, about vile abuse people can choose to inflict on others. Anger can be constructive, or destructive. The former, being healthy and needed, with regard to abuse and suffering.

Anger-and-Adults-Destructive-vs-Constructive-Anger

Anger is healthy, it is how we express it that matters. Projecting anger onto people, is not okay. Having uncontrollable rages, is dangerous to self and others. It’s not okay to feel ‘entitled’ to vent anger in a way that is harmful to others. But, being angry, about toxic people and vile abuse, is absolutely needed.

Due to all the shaming I have endured about anger, I have always suppressed it.

Until I could no longer suppress it. Then I had to deal with it. I hated feeling anger. I still had those toxic voices telling me it made me ‘bad’, to feel anger.

But, I came to the point, where I knew it wasn’t ‘bad’ to feel anger. It was absolutely normal. And in fact, I am the normal healthy person for feeling anger. Those who say anger is wrong, are the disordered, unhealthy people. Continue reading


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Taking two weeks off my personal Facebook.

It’s the school holidays and I want to spend quality time with my children. I want to ensure they don’t spend too much time on the X Box and their devices.

I want to go to parks, for walks, to the beach….. get out into nature.

I want to prioritise what’s needed and ignore anything else. Continue reading


The Catholic Church Secret Archive Of Paedophile Crime.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/national/secret-archive-of-paedophile-crime-kept-by-catholic-churchs-insurers-20160317-gnlc6k.html

This paragraph says it all about the highly inappropriate, and highly ineffective manner in which child sexual abuse – by paedophile priests, is dealt with. It shows how their in-house handling and in-house ‘counselling’, is pathetic.

Discussing responses to complaints about Ridsdale, the bishop describes the paedophile as “an extraordinarily talented fellow” and “an excellent pastor”. Bishop Mulkearns argues he was not responsible for Ridsdale going on to abuse more children because he had referred Ridsdale to a counsellor who then authorised him to return to duties.

This isn’t confined to the Catholic Church., either. It occurs across all denominations, as the Royal Commission, has exposed. Continue reading


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Added a section about boundaries, to my Website.

I added a section to my website about personal boundaries, because I know how vital they are… to healing and general wellbeing.

I am so aware how child abuse survivors, do not learn healthy boundaries. If they are not modelled in childhood, how does a child learn them.

This lack of healthy boundaries, leads to further issues in adulthood.

Read @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!developing-boundaries-/cakt Continue reading