Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Pell and the minimizing wording used.

People minimize all the time. This is something I see everywhere. It’s how many people who lack courage – choose to view their own harmful behaviours.

But, it occurs all the more, with abusers. Particularly child sex abusers, child rapists, paedophiles and personality disordered people such as psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists.

“He should have been shaking with grief on behalf of the children destroyed by the powerful men of his church.

Instead Pell called nests of paedophiles a ‘disastrous coincidence’ and described child rape as ‘misbehaving’. It’s just not good enough.”


This level of minimizing and invalidation, removing personal responsibility, lack of empathy, lack of remorse, lack of guilt/shame, no conscience…… are all the types of pathological behaviours of toxic and dangerous people. And paedophiles in particular are very skilled at this.

I get really angry at minimizing. And I’ve noticed just how common this is with church people. They are often very skilled at minimizing.

Child rape is not ‘misbehaving’.

Paedophile rings are not

‘a disastrous coincidence’.

There is absolutely no empathy, no compassion, or concern shown for all the children and their families, affected in such horrific ways by this man and his group of paedophile friends/colleagues.

This cool, detached way he has shown, is typical of that psychopathic capacity to detach from any emotions. And I absolutely believe Pell to be a psychopath, who is allegedly also a paedophile. Continue reading


Fear & Panic Lead to Irrational Self Protection Mode…


Something the last few weeks have taught me (I always try to learn from all experiences)…. is that when I am struggling, I can still revert to self protection mode, that is not always rational.

A perfect example – listening to my counsellor speaking about mental health on a recording I found online. (I’ve blogged about this). I listened to one tiny beginning part ….. heard things that seemed shocking and totally unexpected. I panicked and didn’t listen to anymore, through complete fear I would hear more that would be horrible to hear.

What I heard, also played into my awareness of the issues many church people have of the way they view mental health. Having already been spiritually abused by church people…. I was in a state of shock to hear what I assumed to be the same attitude from my own counsellor. Who I would never have assumed, would have the same abusive attitude.

Fear. Panic. Often can lead to irrational thinking and coping behaviours.

So, in my already low overwhelmed state, I immediately went into panic, walls up, protection mode fully on. I didn’t ask her what she meant by the words I heard. I didn’t listen to the rest of the talk, because I had too much fear of hearing more that would shock me. I just completely assumed she had the same abusive attitude towards mental health, as many church people have.

I confronted her, in a state of mind that was not rational, or willing to listen, because I was so hurt that this woman who I had trusted more than anyone else, believed horrible things, that meant I could not and should not trust her. I’m not good at confrontation. It’s something I find difficult. Probably because all my life – any confrontation that I tried with people who were definitely doing harm – got me more hurt. So I am pretty bad at confrontation – especially when really hurt and fear is motivating my thinking.

I was wrong. Really wrong.

And I am willing to admit when I am wrong. I feel really bad for how I reacted and spoke to her. It doesn’t sit well with me, to treat anyone inappropriately. No matter the reasons. Continue reading

It’s a far safer way of developing friendships…

It takes a lot of self insight and honesty capacity, to be able to view yourself, from outside of yourself and then discern your own interactions and behaviours. And how they are perceived by others. Whilst also viewing other people’s interactions, behaviours etc.

Had a lovely time at my ladies group again today. A very diverse groups of ladies, all older than myself, all in very different relationship situations. Some divorced, some never married, some married. Very different lifestyles. Very difference financial situations etc.

People fascinate me. I am definitely able to use my discernment and vigilance skills, to see into the lives of these ladies.

I give very little of myself away. I talk about myself in a very careful, guarded way. But, still in a friendly way. They still only know I am married, have children, my husband is a cop. Little more than that has been revealed.

I, however, know a lot more about them. They have all opened up, shared, and the group have responded in a non judgmental way. Which is good.

I already know two of the ladies have had difficult childhoods. They haven’t said much, but I can tell from the little they have said. A couple have divorced out of unhappy marriages. One lady is unable to consider marriage, due to her childhood experiences. Which I can tell, was abusive, likely due to domestic violence type issues. One lady in a difficult marriage, with a controlling husband, who does not like her to go out. When she said ‘my husband lets me come to this coffee group, because it’s only the price of a coffee, and there’s only women attending. That spoke volumes to me. A few times, issues like depression have been mentioned. And I can see who is struggling with that, even if they are not going into any detail.

I’ve said little about what I have already picked up on. I’ve nodded and been careful in my responses. I want these ladies to feel accepted, not judged, not forced to reveal more than they want to. And with each of these ladies and their life situations, it is not my place to give opinions, or advice. I just let them be themselves.

I just want them to have somewhere safe to feel welcomed and included. Somewhere ladies can meet and not feel any pressure, in any way. Just a space and group to feel they belong.

We also have lots of laughs and giggles, and Continue reading

1 Comment

“Nothing has made so much sense than this.”

“Nothing has made so much sense than this.”

This is the type of feedback from other complex trauma survivors, that helps me realise, how meaningful my work is. Feedback that shows someone has gained something significant to them, to help their healing… is what I hope to achieve.

The feedback was in response to this blog


I know how complex – complex trauma is. I’m still figuring it out. I’m not an expert, as some tell me I am. But, I do have the capacity to work things out, with self insight.

This feedback came today, from a survivor who read my blog about emotional flashbacks. These types of flashbacks are really challenging to understand and figure out. Let alone manage.

I’ve also has this feedback…

“This is my life. I can understand every single issue

I deal with every day now.

Finally something makes sense. This makes me cry.

For the sadness and pain I consistently endure.

Thank you.”

And I owe this validation about Emotional Flashbacks – to Pete Walker. Continue reading