I see a lot of shaming attitudes. People sometimes don’t realise what they are doing, is in fact stoking their own egos, whilst shaming others in the process.
These three – Positivity, Being Busy & Forgiveness – are examples, I see often.
The single minded pursuit of happiness and positivity – often is merely a distraction and avoidance of the issues, that the person doesn’t want to deal with. It is often an endless pursuit many fail to continually achieve, and then feel shame in the process. Because it is not a normal and healthy human state of being continually. It is normal, to have other emotions.
They assume ‘if I just keep being positive’ – in the end that is what I will become. So wrong and irrational, but many are on this mindless pursuit and failing to do what is needed, to achieve inner peace.
I stay away from the positivity/happiness gurus – who claim this is the way we must all be. No matter what we are enduring. I really see how little insight they have into emotions and the necessity for them all. And also don’t realise how un-natural it is to be constantly positive, constantly happy. And I see people chasing this continually and struggling with the failure.
I am not positive all the time, because I am real and genuine and I have normal and needed emotions. And I don’t apologise for that.
I stay away from those who stroke their ego’s by being constantly busy and letting everyone else know about it. It’s totally okay not to be busy all the time and someone’s ‘busyness’ does not increase our worth or value. And in fact, have down time, relaxation time and do nothing. It’s healthy. But, to continually harp on about ‘so busy’, does tend to make people feel really self important (ego).
I also stay away from those who glorify ‘forgiveness’. Forgiveness, is a very challenging and emotional issue and for those who claim you ‘must forgive’ and if you don’t – there is something wrong with you, or imply you can’t heal without their description of forgiveness, is very shaming and harmful to many people’s healing journeys.
People who claim they have forgiven those who have wronged them, and therefore everyone else must/should, are offering really unhealthy advice and at the same time, are stroking their own ego to believe their journey and how it is proceeding is the only journey/only way’. It is absolutely okay, to feel some acts of horrendous suffering imposed on others, are unforgiveable. Yep – unforgiveable. And you can still heal and grow and lead a healthy life, without it. No shaming needed.
I see society glorifying many inappropriate ego needs and I wish they would stop.
I would much prefer to see people not shamed and not pressured – and just be allowed to be real, honest and genuine, and for people to stop thinking their life, is the way it should be for everyone.
And stop glorifying their own egos in the process.
Sadly, within seconds of this post appearing on Twitter, a religious person made a typically shaming comment about how she has forgiven, as God demands. Right there, was the egocentric ‘morally superior attitude’, with no regard as to how it may affect anyone else. Just ‘me me me’ attitude. Sadly, this is typical of too many church people. It completely reflected everything I tried to explain was wrong about shaming people.
So, this is why I write these blogs, due to all those who choose to openly glorify their beliefs, regardless of the affect on others.
This post has been very well received from many people, including mental health professionals. Which is great – as it helps educate people about this shaming issue.
The more people write about how society shames people, the better.
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