It’s been a rough few weeks. Totally overwhelmed with different issues to deal with.
One being the issues with my counsellor, where I screwed up and made assumptions, that provoked fear…. and I handled it really badly. But, have since apologised, written about this and been upfront about why this occurred.
I talked again today with my counsellor, about this. I apologised again and explained further. She was glad I sent her the link to the blog, where I wrote what had happened and why. She does understand my fear of trusting the wrong people and my self protection mode that I clearly still can revert to, when dealing with fear related issues.
She was very gracious and understanding. And told me I didn’t need to apologise again. She definitely models forgiveness and grace, well. And she was very encouraging of this blog and all I share, and the depth of honesty and capacity to be vulnerable, to have that raw honesty.
We also talked about my experience at the hospital and how I may hopefully be able to access some services like mindfulness classes etc. Which will be really great. And we talked about what triggered that situation, leading to needing to go to the hospital. She is very understanding of how difficult my home situation is, and how that affects my healing. And my issues I have when I feel I am failing my children. We talked about all that and I am very blessed to have a counsellor who is so understanding.
We also talked about other things that have been on my mind, like the Royal Commission and what terrible modelling of Christianity – Pell, The Pope etc are. And why. It was good to see how we agree on these issues and feel very grieved by the destruction they have caused, both to victims of abuse, and on a wider scale – as a terrible reflection of God, to the rest of the world.
It was a really good conversation and whilst the situations recently are not ones I am glad have happened, I do feel that the one involving my counsellor, has resulted in me being able to trust her more.
That increase in trust, is a pretty big deal for me.
I like this picture and words about trust. It does need to grow…. and is built with consistency.
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